My ramadhan experience in the United States

This ramadhan, hard to beat, will be missed.

How would you feel, when you walk into a masjid and everyone is relieved that you are finally there?

How would you feel when you need to travel out of city and suddenly you get a phone call asking where have you been that you don't attend the tarawikh prayer last night?

How would you feel, when people just can't stop talking about you because of how well-behaved you are? (They think), Amiin!

How would you feel when people want to skype with your mum to tell her how lucky she is to have a daughter like you?

How would you feel when you can sit together with people from other culture and nationality speaking the language which obviously you don't understand? And you find that on your left, people were speaking in arabic and on your right, people were speaking Thailand. And you was having a conversation in Malay. But, at the end. You know each other that you will hug them every time you meet. How sweet is that?

How would you feel,when people say, the non-muslims in your area are all afraid of muslims because they think muslims are terrorist and they know that if they mess up with one sister, the whole muslim brothers from the community will find the criminal , declare a war to teach him lesson to make sure, that that is his very final time to even have the intention to do anything to a muslim woman?

How would you feel, when every day, you don't have to cook because the masjid in the area is providing meal for you to eat for free?

How would you feel, when you realize, while having a group conversation, that everyone is from different country with different skin color. You have Uganda in it, Kenya, somali, saudi Arabian, sudanese, thai, Malaysian, Bosnian, Pakistani and others as well. You are all muslims and now are laughing at the same joke.

How would you feel, when people were keep on worry about you if you don't have ride to get back home?and now everyone is offering you a ride though you actually went there walking,earlier.

How would you feel, when you get the same exact pain for slamming a car door to your finger today and last 4 years, but today you actually get everyone's attention and sympathy while in old days, no one really care?

How would you feel when  someone give you a very sincere advice and share her stories to make sure you take a very good care of your self and your dignity as a woman so that in 20 years from now, she wants to hear from you that you are very happy with your husband and family.

How would you feel, when you can have a night over at the masjid like everyday for almost 10 days with people from different nationality and then you wake up to pray tahajud together,and then eat sahoor and pray fajr together?

How would you feel, when the night before eid, some give you a call, asking you to come to their house to give you something? And it is an Eid dress for you to wear it tomorrow on Eid!

How would you feel, when one hour before iftar, suddenly someone knock on your door to give you a ride to the Masjid, just because it is raining?

How would you feel, when you actually successfully ( insyaAllah ) went through ramadhan without missing even one day of tarawikh at the Masjid that end at 12.30pm everyday, and for the last 10 nights, you barely get 1 hour of sleep. Because you need to join the tahajud in congregation, to finish the Quran? And realizing you actually need to get to class the next morning and sometimes, you have an exam. Alhamdullilah, with Allah's help, you did it!

How would you feel, when you are trying to cook some food to bring the masjid to share with others, but you were so worry if it don't taste good or if people from different culture won't like it, plus you can not taste the dish simply because you are fasting and End up, when the iftar time comes, you notice that people like it so much that some will ask for the recipes and others will  take more of it. Alhamdulillah.

Huh, which favor of Allah shall I deny?

Answer those question and that is what i feel. I will miss this ramadhan. I break down the barrier between culture. It strengthen our bond as sisters in faith. It teaches me patience, humbleness, and sincerity.

And now, how would you feel when the all those experience is now a memory? It's the end of Ramadhan.  I just don't know if I can get all those experience again. The person who was giving me the sincere advice is loving to north Carolina. She's a revert and this is her first Ramadhan. Only Allah know how blessed I was to know her. May Allah bless her and me too. Some more, When  Ramadhan end, obviously less people will go to the Masjid. I might not see most of them like I used to, everyday in Ramadhan. No more tarawikh~~

Trust me, i have never cry because of the end of ramadhan but this time, I really do. I witness the blessing in it that enlightened my path and empowered me as a Muslim!

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for everything! :')

Taqaballahu minna waminkum

Do the deeds but don't forget to be sincere and concentrate

We heard a lot about things to do during Ramadhan, What we want to do in terms of good deeds.. We have our own list on what we want to accomplish this month or maybe for the entire life that we don't know how many years left, or perhaps days? Anyhow, just to remind my self about something important, I decide to write something today, as a break from all those lists that I am trying to accomplish. I hope I get something from writing this too, as sacrificing my time, insyAllah.

Let's remind ourselves about sincerity, Ikhlas and concentration, khusyuk. 

some people don't really like discussing about this. To them, just do it. about sincerity, it is for Allah to judge. To be honest, I do agree to the opinion to a certain degree. Indeed, sometimes, for people of certain level, it is better to just to the deed besides arguing about it too much. Sometimes, we we think about sincerity, we just stop doing something because 'I don't feel like doing it'. For example, when people ask for help, we don't want to say' sorry, 'I just don't feel like helping you because I don't have the sincerity' . Obviously it is better to help no matter what. He is in need of our hand. For similar reason, we need to do righteous deeds because we are in need to those deeds to be written in our book of record.

However, to some extend, we need to to pay close attention to sincerity andconcentration as well. Those are two things that is so hard to gain. If we do get them, it is a gift from Allah. say Alhamdulillah. Ikhlas, even we our own selves don't know if we are doing it with Ikhlas. Even according to Imam Ahmad b Hambal (r.a), he said,

"The duty of Niyyah (intention) is something which is very heavy. "

Even a scholar like him consider that heavy, what about us regular Muslims? 

But sometimes, we do know if we are not sincere. Ikhlas is doing something for the sake of Allah, nothing else. When one day we feel like we want to let people know about our deeds and seeking attention and praise from them, We are surely NOT ikhlas. 

It is hard to get the state of Ikhlas, but that is actually something we can work hard for. Sometimes we can do something for thousands of reasons but for Allah is not in the list. How sad. Sometimes we want to be ikhlas in performing Shalah, but suddenly someone walked into our room, Anddddd suddenly we slow down our movements.We were about to finish our du'a andddd suddenly we take more time on the prayer cloth just because someone is looking at us. OH WHYYY?

May Allah help us, esspecially in this blessed month, Ramadhan, avoid riyaa' (showing off) and may we are able to do everything with pure intention, for Allah and nothing else. 

That is about Ikhlas. but what about Khusyuk? Especially in Shalah.. Huh,, what a topic? it is hard to even concentrate partly in Shalah and let's not talk about concentrate in every second in prayer!. We start our shalah.. our niyyah ' lillahi ta'ala' ... ALLAHU AKBAR. BISMILLAH.... eh did I left my ...astaghfirullah MALIKIYAUMIDDEEN... oh ya,, i almost for got my appoinment it's today! ishhhh I am suppose to be khusyuk! IYYAKANA'BUDU WA IYYAKANASTA'IIN.. ok, how do I stay khusyuk? do I need to close my eyes or open.. eh wait I am still not khusyuk! astaghfirullah.. WALADDOLIN..

Ever happened?. Ask your self. Why is it so hard to concerntrate? What is meant by concentrate anyway? Obviously, when we say we are concentrate in listening to lecture, it means we know what we are doing, we know where we are, who is speaking, what he says, without distraction and we hate distractions. Because we want to get the benefit from the lecture as the outcome is important for us.

I apply the same principe to concentrating in Shalah. Although some people think khusyuk is the ability to drop your tears in Shalah, to me Khusyuk is the ability to concentrate.Knowing what are we doing, When we recite the surahs and du'as in prayer, we are aware with what we are asking and reciting. When we praise Allah,we really meant it! We understand and can feel the greatness of Allah. Indeed to some extend, tears will drop out of fear and love of Allah. But it depends, some people cry in prayer because thinking their dead cat or what ever, still, it is not khusyuk, to me.

But have you ever concentrate to concentrate until you loss the concentration? ( if you don't get it, read again) I mean, in our shalah, while reciting verses, our mind is thinking about how to concentrate. instead of contemplating on what our lips are reciting or the Imam is reciting. That is not right. May we are able to khusyuk in prayer, especially in long shalah like tarawih ( since it's Ramadhan ). Amiin

Some tips to get the khusyuk, FOR ME TO APPLY.

*image from internet. 

Okay,, now we can proceed with our list of ibadah that we want to do in this Ramadhan until we die.. May our deeds are accepted by Allah. May Allah keep us all away from showing Allah. May He help us to do our deed with ikhlas and khushook. Allahumma Amiin.. 

Wallahu A'lam.

wassalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh :)