Seriously, know what you want!

Now, I have time to update my blog. I love it :)

Being unemployed sounds very bad to most people, but it is actually one thing people are taking for granted. I have no idea why everyone is in a rush. I understand some of them thought that being unemployed means doing nothing. That is why it sounds very terrible. 

After coming back to Malaysia, I realize there are many things people are busy about.. top of the list is this two: Jobs and Marriage.. 

Well, of course! it is time. it is time to find a position, a full-time position, and to start an adult life. That is why you went for a degree, right? yeah right. I know, I am currently unemployed and kinda bored sitting at home, but once I was offered a job, I started to think, do I really want to start working? Like just after 19 days coming back for the US? My life was a rush. When I was 13, I entered a boarding school, 5 years. not even a month home, I was admitted to a preparation college. not long after that, I flew to the US. 

Now I am home, do I need to be far again, from my family? 

I am not saying that I want to be unemployed forever, but I guess, I need time. I need a transition time. I remember, when I got the job, my family members were happy and they wanted me to go. I personally don't wanna go. I have been away for so long and now I need to do it again, really, give me time. But my problem was, hate to disappoint anyone, especially my parents. I know that is a kinda childish side of me. 

I actually know what I want but when being pressured, I get confused so easily and just follow their fingers. I just wasn't firm with what I want. Long story short, I learned to follow my hearts and instincts a long way.... I didn't regret or anything like that but just, if I am more decisive, I guess thing would be even simpler. NOW I AM WRITING HERE, I WANT TO FIX MY FAMILY RELATION FIRST! MY GOAL: BE GOOD DAUGHTER. Simple enough? Now this year(at least), I want to work or stay near to my mom. Regardless what people think of me, I need to play my part.

Yes, why do you have an oversee degree if you are not in a good career position yet? Oh please, I was there learning, I mean, learn new things and gain experiences. I wasn't there because I want to be wealthy. Maybe you would agree and maybe not, it's okay. I am picky about my job. If I am employed but I am not doing what I want and on the right path in achieving my goal, I must leave. I did apply for jobs and.. but I know,, I am just being picky.. sorry.

Okay, let's jump into marriage. Yes, I want to get married, but I am not desperate. I am picky. I want to get married early because don't want to have a huge age gap with my children in the future. But I won't say yes, just to anyone. Again, I am picky about sharing my whole life with another person, I am not looking for wealth. What is more important is attitude and chemistry. Although I want to get married as soon, but I okay if God destined the otherwise. 

To my friends who have gotten the right job, and found the right spouse, I am happy for that. won't lie, I am jealous but don't worry, I am happy for you. :)

We all have different paths, different blessings, and different test. I won't compare our lives. I will work hard to get what I want but I will prioritize my needs. My desire to start working and find someone special is one thing but I guess, my job as a daughter in this family, comes first. There are many things I need to work on. 

I believe in the impossibilities. I won't run from my problems, again.

I ask God to give me strengths. He knows best. The key is PATIENCE.

* purposely writing this to counter questions from family and friends.

We know nothing, really

I am home. Alhamdulillah. Almost a month home. I must admit, i miss my life back in the US, well i have been there for years. Coming back is a challenge. Adapting in a place where my home is, is kinda complicated. I have not settled down. I am still clueless of where am i gonna stay. I am currently driving back and forth between Klang and Sungai Petani.

Moving on is not as easy. I really miss some people in the states. I did underestimated my attachment with them. Heyyy what did you do to me?

Nevertheless, i am currently looking for a job. I did offered one but unfortunately i decided to leave. It's just not a place for me. But i am fortunate that along my journey, i met a few people that reminded me that life can not always be think logically. When we take care of our health, it is not a guarantee that we will never get sick. When we work hard, it is not a promise that will be a billionaire.

When you remind yourself that life is a test (cliché). You will stop wondering why bad things happen to good people. Just never make that trash assumption assuming that maybe they are not as good as we thought they are, and that is why bad things happened to them. Please, just don't and never!

Ok, this post was inspired by kak Bed. I met her when i was at her place in Seremban. This was also a result of sitting with different people around me and they were voicing opinions i am personally disagree with.

As for now, I think I am slowly accepting things. There is nothing to rush for anyway. Currently, i am taking my own time to teach myself how to live a happy life, according to me. A few days back, i remember crying to a friend sharing how i feel about myself. About how i actually know what i really want but, was easily defeated but what people( read:parents) would think of me. I hate to disappoint anyone, but in the end, it is me who will struggle living life of a different person.

Thanks babe... For making me realize that. And thanks people for the spark of ideas ignited by you, without you realizing.