Why So Emotional?

It took me years before I am willing to accept the fact. But I think it is time. 

Dear friends and family.

I know we have been through so many things and so many situations. Sometimes even a very small matter could put us into a fight. I know I have been very quiet and very secretive about my feeling. But actions speaks louder than words. 

You own my respect! I know dealing with someone like me is difficult. There are so many things that I can't tolerate: lights, noise and scold. As much as I could give it a try, sometimes I failed. I run from the situation and find a dark room to hide. I know it is hard to understand people like me ( well, sometimes I don't either). 

Not everything in life is explainable. But let me just try to explain how people of my kind works:

We feel very deeply. When we are sad, we can't talk. That is why we run away because it is better for us to let you hate us for running away from problems than to let you know that we are too upset. Because the fact is, we don't put all the blame on you. Sometimes, we even hate ourselves for being overly emotional. For that reason, we need time to calm down and tell ourselves that it is all gonna be better. 

We hardly trust people because we know our hearts are fragile. If you have our trust, please please take a good care of that trust because we believe you for that. Once you own our trust, and you break it, please understand that it will never be the same. We may forgive but the scar is deep.

When we fall in love, sometimes, we are too much. I care for you more than you could ever imagine. You will have multiple times to make mistakes, we are not easily mad. We give chances because in our opinion, people make mistakes and people should be given chances to make up. We hate judging others because we know we don't have the whole picture.

When you see us in tears, that does not simply mean we are sad. We might be very mad but we can't get angry. The only way to express our disapointment is through tears. When we are happy and grateful, sometimes, we can be in tears as well. 

I know I know, we are very confusing. That is why we often run away from people because we hate making you confused. Even when you ask, it is hard for us to explain because sometimes, we hate to admit that we are too sensitive. 

Trust me, sometimes we do hate ourselves for being overly emotional. But the fact is, it is someting we live with. We tried to change but we can't easily change our soft hearts. We don't expect everyone to understand us.

But I am writing this so that you know that it is absolutely fine if you give up on us. But if you could spend some time trying to get to know us, we will appreciate you till we die. Not everyone is able to do that. 

If you ask me why am I  so emotional, the only thing I can tell is, I have my own story and I didn't choose this way of life. Having a soft heart is a blessing and a burden at the same time. If you are willing to bear patiently with me, I will definitely love you more!

So, to those who are mad for me being me, I am sorry. There is nothing else I could do. I apologize for making you feel bad, but I won't feel sorry for being who I am. I decide to love myself and stop questioning why I am so fragile.


Oh yes, I am not trying to get your sympathy, but this is just in case one day you are destined to live with me or people like me, feel free do your research( read: read this post again).

Stop wishing anyone is different

Haha~

Since I am now officially done with my undergraduate studies, I think I have more time to write. I guess, I would like to share more about my thoughts and feelings here ( like this is something new)

If you are following my blog, you are most likely to know my style of writing and thinking. Oh yes, thank you for your time.

Well, since I just graduated ( the hottest topic after this will be about marriage (and jobs). In the previous post, I did mention that I am now a new person, at least on how I view myself. Therefore, I would like to start turning my real life experiences into valuable lessons for my future. 

Now let's dive into the topic.

I am 22 and most of my life, I have spent by living in rooms and houses of different people. Living with family until I was 12 and then different roommates once I admitted into a hostel. It changes almost every year. I then when to a preparation college and have another roommate before I flew to the US. Currently, I am living with two other in a nice house.

I hardly have difficulties living with anyone. Most of the time, I just remind myself that everyone is different and they come from different background and carry different loads. However, sometimes I am guilty of wishing something about them is different.

It is not that I hate them or can't live with them. But as a normal human being, I wronged them by hoping that they could be better and expect different characters and attitude from them.

I know this is considered normal to most people and that is why I I decide to touch on this. But when we started to think again, doesn't this thing called dissatisfaction? Or easily translated as ungratefulness?

OK, let me give some example. Have you ever wish someone is a better listener, gentler, more helpful or just feel like screaming: "oh why are you not like the other person?"

Anyway, do you get my point here? All I want to point out is RESPECT. I personally feel like if we are practicing the bad habit of wishing someone else is different, we are not respecting that particular person. Yes, it is not like I want someone else to replace him or her. But the fact that you are expecting them to behave differently just (ahhhhh I don't know how to explain.. )something and it is wrong!

I feel like this is one of the biggest lessons I learned throughout this years. One day, if I ever get married, I hope I could read this post and remind myself that "just like whatever happens to you, happens for reasons,  WHO YOU MET is the same thing."  

Let it be they are good or bad, you are no one to judge. You are smart enough to acknowledge if that should be an example for you to follow or it should be something you promise to yourself to do. But wishing he or she is different shows you are not accepting what God has planned for you.

This makes me scared because, what if I find someone and marry him and after a few years, I feel like he is not the best husband? Am I gonna find a new one? Wishing he is somebody else?

Or even worse I have a child and I put an expectation but he or she unable to fulfill my dream, then what? Am I gonna wish he or she is like others child? 

GOD! NO!

That's why I feel like this is big deal somehow. Be content and stop dreaming of something from others. Just find a mirror and look at yourself, fix what you need and trust God.

Trust me, if you wish someone is different and they changed, yes you will be happy, but after a short time, you will AGAIN, wish something else is different. You will never be satisfied.

After all, this is worldly life, nobody is perfect, NOT EVEN YOU!

Thanksgiving 2016

To the wonderful people I have met here in the United States.

Coming over and having the opportunity to see how things are being done in the other parts of the world is amazing! It makes you think and perceive things differently.

For thanksgiving, I would definitely want to thank God for trusting me to be here. I felt so lucky to meet some people who changed my life. I must say, I have two wonderful housemates. Mira and Lin. I won’t lie, they are the best people I’ve known here. Although I had known them before I came here, I am really thankful for having them with me on this journey for about three years.

Mira, the girl I met and was the one who survived living with me, just the two of us in a different culture. She taught me that life is not always how we see it. Sometimes, we really want this to happen yet that happened and we must just accept! She taught me that in most situation, there are just no one to blame. Although we think we are doing things right, that does not mean the other people is wrong. She taught me the real meaning of acceptance. Accept the differences and love the imperfections! She is the cutest thing!

Lin, although she came after a year we were here, by today, she is just as important. I must say she has her way of doing things. She taught me the meaning of persistence. Keep doing what you are doing and trust your inner voice. Sometimes, you need to be stubborn and you should. You know what’s best and but never be arrogant. To some, she seems grumpy, but to me, she is a loyal friend. She trusts when no one else would. But the thing is, she is very picky of who she should trust and love.

I must write about three more people I met here; Cherylann, Monique, and Kristen! I would love to write about Hayley but I already have a post of her, RIP. So.......

Cherylann, she is an African-American non-traditional student. I know her by Mira, they were in the same class and major. Usually, I will see her on the bus, almost every day actually.  She is the nicest person. When I and Mira were very shy and afraid, there she comes to make sure we are comfortable doing things in the new environment. She really wants to make sure we be ourselves. Praises and compliments are always from her lips. Sometimes,  I do get emotional by just thinking about her. I do feel the love she has for all of us. I feel like I am well been taken care of her as her daughter. She worries about us just like a mom does. She trust us on things but never forgets to give is useful bits of advice.

Monique, one word; ambitious. She has her goals and target when she does something. I know her the president of MCC when I was the vice. I work closely with her but we have different skills and specialty. She is someone I would look up as a good leader. She knows herself and tries to understand people around her and make sure things work. She is good and understanding that different people could contribute in different ways. So she would divide work and give each part to the right person, the person who she knows will be able to not just complete the work but would do an outstanding job. She appreciates differences in a team and makes sure no one would feel left out. I admire the way she trusts people!


Kristen, I met her four months ago in my management class. She sits just next to me and she seems so friendly. Then she became my CEO for a team project. Trust me, she is too, a good leader! She is very opinionated but still considers others’ view on things. Very smart and very pretty! :) Okay, that might sound nothing but believe it or not, a week before thanksgiving, while we were waiting outside of the prof’s office to ask about our project, she asked me if I have ever invited to a thanksgiving dinner. She was shocked when I said no since this is my final year in States. So she was kind enough to invite me to her house on thanksgiving. So I was excited and asked Lin to come with me. That was one of the best experience! She has a wonderful family. We were given the best hospitality! Just about three months of knowing each other and just one class together, she made that call. I was amazed.


These are just some of people I met a school. If you are reading this post and I did not mention too, if I know you, just trust me when I say there must be at least one thing I love about you. To me, life is just beautiful. Everyone has something they can offer! I’m glad that I’ve met and known amazing people! Thank God, Alhamdulillah!