Here i am still alive. Alhamdulillah.
This time, i must say, life is so different as i hope it would be. I remember crying while pondering what happened with my life. Life is full with surprises. Sometimes you like it so much, but sometimes you hope it wouldn't happen at all. But things happen. And you can just question things without understanding the exact reason.
Being honest, I think a lot about love and marriage. I know, things seems so difficult for me right now, when you own parents disapprove your relationship. I just want it to be simple and let it pure, yet there are so many obstacles.
Yes, i must say sometimes i question my standing.
I know exactly that they aren't happy with my choice. i wish i could be an obedient daughter and follow what they want. However, something in me really want me to be strong and hold on with my choice this time. I beg God to help me through all this.
Of course sometimes i feel so guilty for not obeying their opinion. But at the same time, i have no idea why must they disrespect me. Why can't they understand my feelings and why i think this way?
I got confused sometimes. Seriously i do.
Sometimes i feel very weak because my own family didn't let me choose who i want to be with for the rest of my life. And i keep thinking, is this what we call blind love. I mean, is it what i saw in him just a role-play?
Am i not adult enough to think what is best for my own self?
Or am i so desperate?
I took enough time to reflect on my self. Asking what exactly i want in life. A partner like what am i searching for to be with?
So i decided to spend my time on this. Writing about what i am looking for so that when i get confuse again, i will be able to read this.
What i really want in a relationship,
1. Kindness. Character in a person really counts. How he treat me, how he treat other people really important. Yes, character, personality, and values. Please remind yourself to find a guy for you to live with for a very long period of time. I mean to eternity. Yes, happy times might make both of you laugh and smile, but remember you may have problem with him, how he deals with a situation when he is panic, when both of you are clueless about the way out. I want someone who is wise, calm and religious
2. Honesty. This is painful reality. I have problem with this issue my own. Not that I don't want to be honest, but sometimes i am too afraid. I would keep it a secret and act like things aren't important. I didn't feel the need to voice out although the information should be shared. And there are issues to discuss. If i could hate myself, this might be the number one reason. I keep things to my self and i know i had create too many problems and suffer from them all. For that reason, i must change that in me because i know the importance of it and understand i need someone like that.
3. Openness , this is so much related to the previous point, being open about our feelings, about our routine and our opinion is really important, i can't explain how essential this is in a relationship. If i could shout to my own ears, this might be it. Human thinks a lot,really. If there are secrets, our mind will do that extra work thinking. I wish we could alway think the positive ones, but the reality is, we will fall into negative thinking and when you have the bad thoughts about your spouse, you know exactly where that will lead you both into, yeah.
4. Talk and explore. Don't assume and accuse. Yes, communication. Keep it going, if you don't know or understand something, just ask. Don't afraid to talk about it. Pillow talk is so important. Well, if you are not married, I don't mean that pillow talk. I mean, share your feelings, talk about stuffs in your mind. Anything, let it out. About your current feelings, about hot issues around the world, about your personal or family problems, about your day at work.. Just anything. Keep it going. Dont just keep quiet. Build intimacy. Trust me, i will never understand how important this is until i meet this one person.
5. Respect. While you are falling in love, in the beginning, everything might seems so flowery and almost everything you talk about sound similar to each other. However, over time, you will slowly or rapidly find differences between the two of you, difference in opinion, difference in behavior, difference daily habits. Even the smallest issue could lead to a fight. So always respect each other. You don't have to agree with each and every things your partner says and does, just respect them, and accept the reality that we are human and human are created unique and different, right.
6. Apologize. When your relationship matures, you will get into fights and things will go against you. And there must be things you did would hurt your partner and vice versa. So why don't you apologize. Sometimes sorry seems to be the hardest world, right? But if you really love your relationship, come on, just put that aside...
7. Cooperate. Share responsibilities. Because of all, you want a partner who you can rely on. And of course, you must play your part too. If you are expecting your partner to be very reliable, you must be a responsible person as well. Do not expect things form others without reflecting on yourself first.
8. Give and take. Just like living with a roommate, there are ups and downs in a relationship. You cant expect the path is full of roses every time. Rocky roads will definitely appear. Work together, trust me, hard times will make a relationship stronger. And please. Never ask for out just because you are going through hard times. Imagine, when you later have problem at work, issues with your parents and your little children are testing your patience, you just want an end. But just don't run away from problems. Don't cut the relationship just because things are too difficult. Work together. You will appreciate those moments after.
9. Always have God in your heart. In good or bad times, you must make your relationship with God stronger and stronger. Remind each other that life is a test. Never go astray. At the end, God is where we are from and where we belonged. He is the creator and He is All-Knowing. If you can't find the way out, call upon Him. He is indeed near. But never forget him when you are in good times. Remember, He is God. Your goal is to be near Him. That is all..
Yes, my point is, find love that will make you happy, keep you closer to Allah and make you way to Jannah possible.
Find the one who have good relationship with others, someone you can live with no matter how long or how short the period will be. And find someone you can tolerate.
Find someone who can make you want to be a better person, someone who love you sincerely and will protect you from the evil of the world.
Find a good dad for you future children, a kind husband for yourself and a best friend for your life.
Yes, not to forget, financial stability is as important, keep that in mind too.
You know exactly what kind of person you want to be you partner. Don't compromise.
