Depressed

Here we go again for quite some time I did not update my page. But here we go. So far, I’ve not been working officially for 6 months but I am unemployed for a month. Job hopping had been my game for quite some time. But i didn't regret. I am sincere wanting to find a job. And InsyaAllah another 3 day I will be up to a new job. This time, I feel like I want to try my best al though my dad says one of his friends is trying to find me a good job. Allah knows best. Although it is tempting to just sit around doing nothing for money, yet it frustrating knowing the situation in my family.

About that, I had made a decision to see the doctor. I mean to find out the mental health condition. I know it sounds ridiculous to go to the clinic just because you are sad. But I know I must to it for the sake of my future self. I know everyone will tell me to manage stress well and take it easy, but if only they knew my real feelings.  If only they understand how depressing to be overly sensitive. Crying for no valid reason. I don't need them to tell me that I am crazy. I can feel it myself. Feeling as insane crying all over alone without knowing how to explain to others why exactly I cry. I don't know how to control my feelings. Now I may be perfectly fine. But once something happens, I can be overly reacted. Overthinking, over crying and feeling hopeless will be haunting me all night. People ask me to relax. I ask myself to take it easy, but easier said than done.

My parents are always fighting. And when people ask why, i have no answer. My siblings know how the feeling of being their children. Although it may seem like it’s nothing serious but deep inside, it really hurts. Especially when you know it is ongoing from you were little until now you are about to get married. You know what, it’s just a matter of respect and care. Yes communication is another part of it. Well, I know when people see us like this, they might think it’s all normal. However, just imagine you experience all these since you were a kid.

Me too. I thought I was being overly dramatic for my overreaction. But when the time comes. It just natural for me to feel so hopeless and keep blaming myself for all the things that happen. I feel useless as a daughter since i made them mad although i know for a fact that I wasn't the reason. I feel i will never be good enough. I tried my best yet i keep on failing. I don't know why.

Yes, i feel like i want to just change my self. Just be like my other siblings. They really don't care. I know they both were also affected emotionally, but they know how to put themselves first. Before taking all the blame, the know how to justify themselves. Explain in mind that they weren't the reason why our parents are like this. It’s just them. If our parents are always angry, why must me take all the blame? If our parents are upset, it is not wholly our fault. If they can't take care of their own feelings, why must we take part in taking care of them?

Respect is given to ones who know how to respect themselves and others. If they don't even know what respect is, why should we give it to them?

Again and again, this is the reason why I am too afraid of getting married. I fear I will be like them. I fear I cant take care of my own feelings taht will affect my kids. I really dont want them to experience what I had been experiencing all this while.

I REALLY DON'T WANT THEM TO FEEL ORPHAN BEFORE IT’S TIME.

L.O.V.E

C.A.R.E.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

C.O.M.M.U.N.I.C.A.T.I.O.N

T.O.L.E.R.A.N.C.E

R.E.S.P.O.N.S.I.B.I.L.I.T.Y

F.A.I.T.H

Do not miss even just one of them.

I know, nowadays we really think money is everything, yet money can’t buy happiness.

Yes, I was diagnosed depressed. May sound nothing to some. But i know some of us share the same feeling. I’ve met a psychiatry and got my medicine. May Allah ease everything else for me. I just need to be normal for myself, my marriage and my future family.

Long-Distance Relationship

It's March 4th, 2019. My dad just started his career in Kedah, as Pengarah SPRM Kedah, now staying with my mum( and me) after so long practicing what we call: long distance relationship.

Talking about that, it's my turn  now playing long-distance relationship with my fiancee. Now i understand how people feel. thinking about how i am currently in love is already something strange, now I am writing about long-term relationship while having no idea this will end.

So, InsyaAllah we will get married in about 9 more months. meaning we are already engaged for about 3 months. it is an interesting feeling. Honestly, maybe I have never share this with anyone else, but once we are officially engaged, I love him more. more than before and most probably more than how much he knows about my feeling towards him. Only Allah knows for sure.

Hahaa.. why am I writing this? Actually, here I want to write about the challenges you will face once you got engaged. This list is based on my experience so far:

1) I started to miss him so muchh
2) But, Now we are so far away
3) So, We can't meet each other as often
4) And, Sometimes we have trust issues
5) The Third-Person

and there are more.. like

6) mood swings
7) financial problems
8) Jealousy
9) Communication problems
10) Pressure and Stress regarding life plan and adjustments

Well, I don't think I need to elaborate on these points. they are pretty self-explanatory, right?

But above all, being someone's fiancee is an interesting feeling. It make me feel so grateful and thankful, of course. why? because love is a series of unexpected things. Alhamdulillah. May Allah always be by our sides. May He ease everything for us. till jannah.

Here's a little reminder:

 Surah Al-Imran ayat 54:

“Dan Mereka Merancang, Allah juga merancang, Dan ALLAH sebaik-baik Perancang” 

Thoughts on current relationship

Well again, why him. I think I wrote about this already, how ever, i still think i need to rewrite, because most probably the points will be different now. I don't know.. Actually i cant remember.

Lately, i have been tested. About how i feel towards him. Is he really who i want to be with? To spend the rest of my life with. I have no idea how long i will stay alive, however, i must think about just so many things before i decide.

Yes, some of the reason why I like him are:

Manly, pious, responsible, fit, sporty, handsome, loving and so on,,

But I really need to make sure of these... Is he really how I hope he is? 

Well, i really want to build a happy family, but i must admit.. There are many flaws from my self anyway. I feel like there are just sooooo many thing i need to improve before i actually get married and be someone's wife.

First of all, my relation with God. This, i know my very own self. The ups and the downs kinda worries me. Yes, some times i feel very ashamed of myself and which I could use the time better. However, that is why i am writing this. I know my self. I know i am determine of something, i will make sure i get it. Hopefully I will.Thus, I need to be more disciplined. Know what i want to improve and no more wasting time.

Second, my appearance. Though this is somewhat embarrassing, I do feel inferior by the way I look, especially my weight. I really want to reduce the number yet, it still the same. I hope starting for today, i will be able to do something about it. Keep fit, exercise regularly and eat healthy, i must.

Third, my skill as a woman, haha another embarrassing point. To be able to look got, wear nice clothes, put some makeup on my face, wear some high heels and some confident playing with colors. I just cant.. Haha whyyyyy.. I mean, i want to look good, but i feel like i haven't reach there just yet.. Plus, as a woman, i want to be a able to make my man fall in love with me everyday. I have no idea how he can make he fall into him every time. I really hope he can feel the same. I want that kind of power too. 

Forth, my communication skill. This is an important stuff. I am still learning. Honestly, 

i have learned a lot.. I mean, A LOT

1. Talk to each other, from small stuff to the biggest ones. This is the hardest for me to begin with, i am always the one who keep it inside, afraid of discussing things just because I am a coward. But, if i can mention one thing o have learn from him, it would be this. Slowly but surely, i am able to share things with him. I don't feel judged and am i am not as afraid as i was before. 

2. Time heals almost everything. The keyword here is ALMOST. And I must tell, there is a fine life between, just give some time and procrastinate. Sometimes, procrastination leads to a bigger problem. When you need to discuss thing, don't hold it too long.. Quickly share with your partner before it gets worse. But, when a guy ask for some time, please, just them time. Practice patience here. Show your understanding by giving him the time he needs, not by keep asking if he is ok which shows as if you don't trust their ability to handle stuffs.

3. Ask, don't just assume. As a lady, and a typical woman, i can tell that women are overly dramatic and always the victim of overthinking. Then, she cries for the things she wasn't even sure. Please Just Ask. Whatever came across your mind, just ask. Don't play trying to take care of his feelings that you don't ask. If you really love your relationship and want to save your ship, KINDLY JUST ASK,WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. 

4. Asking as good, waiting for the answer is the best. You know what are most women are guilty of? They ask, but never want to listen for the answer. You ask, but when your parter is about to say something, you cut them off. You will start to vomit all your negative thoughts and assumptions, hoping they will say no, yet waiting them to say yes. What the???

You are asking him who that lady was, he was about to explain and you said 'your new girlfriend' and he said 'no'  and you suddenly raise your voice and said 'liar' until he suddenly said 'fine, yes' and when he said 'yes' you will say 'seee! how could you do this to me'. Just what exactly do you want.  Again, please just let him explain first. Later when he's done explaining, it's up to you if you want to go to the kitchen, open the drawer and pull out a knife and cut him into 14 pieces.  Just as long as you finally fully understand what is going on. 

5. Listen and understand carefully. When he is explaining something, let him finish. I are not the script-writer, so let him finishes. Don't jump into conclusion and don't make any assumptions before it's there. Most problem in relationship happens because we are not a great listener. We want our partner to listen to us yet we don't want to listen to him. Why, and you know what will happen? Misunderstandings and miscommunication. And you know what that leads both of you into.

Ooohhkayy, so, these are just some for my future reference and so I know what i should start and keep doing.. There are many miles to go, so i hope thing will get better every time. Pray for me and wish me luck. Dear Allah, please give the the best accoring to your knowledge.

Learn something from others

Lamanya tak menulis. Maksud aku, menulis sampai habis dan akhirnya post di blog.. Sebab rasanya banyak kali aku menuli, tapi semuanya sekerat jalan. Tapi untuk malam ini aku nekad mahu habiskan dan luahkan apa yang bermain difikiran. 

Macam tak sangka aku akan tulis benda ni tapi, hakikatnya, aku kena tulis juga. 

Straight to the point, i met this one guy, and you know where this story will take us too.. 

Yes, aku kenal dengan seorang lelaki. Lelaki yang bagi aku lain dari yang lain, mungkin bagi orang lain biasa sahaja orang nya. Tiada apa yang istimewa sangat. Kerana dia bukan anak orang kaya. Dia bukan bekerja gaji puluhan ribu. Dia bukan berpangkat besar. 

Tapi dia istimewa. Aku tak mahu bercakap pasal jodoh, kerana jodoh itu rahsia Allah. Bukan aku tak yakin, malah aku mendoakan yang terbaik. 

Tapi apa yang lebih aku nak fokuskan adalah hadirnya dia mengubah pandanganku terhadap kehidupan.

Aku rasa aku banyak berubah, tanpa dia sendiri sedar atau mahukan. Banyak perkara kecil dan besar yang aku belajar dari dia secara tak langsung. Aku kenal dia baru beberapa bulan, tak lebih setahun lagi. Tapi aku rasa macam dah lama sangat.. Banyak benda aku kagum dengan dia.

Ok lah, bukan nak puji sangat, tapi ada beberapa perkara yang aku sendiri baru sedar:

1) Bila drive, tak perlu selalu tekan minyak sebab nak cepat sampai. Drive dengan tenang pun boleh sampai, kan?

2) Education is important tapi jangan sempitkan pemikiran dengan pendidikan itu hanya ada yang formal

So maksud aku ttg yg pertama tu, we just don't really have to rush everything.

Aku sedar yang hidup aku terlalu laju, maksud aku, seolah-olah semua benda nak cepat, semua benda nak kalut. Aku tak tahu kehidupan orang lain macam mana.. Dan masyarakat kita sekarang pun banyak nak contohi orang jepun sebab diorang jalan laju, kan. Dan berjalan laju tu maksudnya maju. Benda ni dah menular dan au tak kata benda ni salah. Just aku mula sedar, bila kita sibuk nak semua benda cepat, kita jadi tak reti sabar. Bila kita tak reti sabar, kita jadi kalut, jadi panik, dan jadi stress. 

Tak.. Aku tak kata kita ni kena buat semua benda slow motion atau lembab. Aku faham kita kena efisyen bila buat keja.. Dan aku setuju sangat-sangat. Cuma ada sesetengah perkara, kita tak perlu nak kalut. Percaya tak, aku belajar benda ni masa aku  nak balik dari KL ke Kedah masa cuti raya cina. First time aku balik dengan lelaki itu. Selalu aku yg drive sendiri ataupun salah seorang dari family aku yg drive. Dan pernah juga naik dengna kawan aku, tapi rata-rata semua nak cepat sampai.. Tekan minyak selalu.. Dan bila jem sikit, bising sangat.. Biasalah kita rakyat malaysia kan. 

Cara dia bawa kereta lain, tak la aku nak kata dia bawak slow sangat.. Tapi bagi aku dia bawak kereta steady, tak perlu nak duduk di lorong kanan sentiasa.  Dan tak lah macam siput sangat pun. Dan aku sedar, cara tu lebih tenang dan tak penat sangat. Memanglah kami sampai lambat juga, dah jalan pun jem. Tapi klu bawa laju pun, bagi aku lbih kurang je sampai.. Boring kan aku cakap pasal ni.. Tapi benda ni satu benda besar aku belajar dari dia. Setiap kali aku rasa kecewa sebab nak benda laju atau cepat, aku belajar untuk fikir yang everything and everyone ada their own pace. Oh but not...i still don't tolerate tardiness. Yg sengaja lambat and tak punctual still salah klu tak da sebab munasabah. And pasal drive pun aku dah cuba ubah cara drive aku, cuba tiru dia.. From kl to kedah, bila penat, berhenti, no need to rush. Tak perlu pun nak macam racing sebab nak cepat sampai. Yes, aku sampai lambat sikit, but atleast aku sempat rehat sikit along the way, so bila sampai tak la penat sangat dah. Ni experiment aku masa balik raya puasa aritu, almaklumlah jem dia macam manakan.. Tapi not bad la. Alhamdulillah my journey alone was nice enough.

Secondly, education. This thing i've been thinking lama juga. Well, aku bukan nak buat kempen tak payah sambung belajar or what not.. To me, education still penting. But no need kot kita nak pandang orang yg tak da degree or diploma macam tak da masa depan. 

Sorry,, aku tak kata ni masa lah ramai, maybe it was just me and people around me. Must admit, aku kira dari keluarga yang highly educated juga, and masuk pula boarding school. And like my officemate label aku, budak mrsm ni tak kenal huruf lain. Diorang kenal A je. Haha lawak.. Tapi sedih juga lah aku dengar benda tu.. I dont know why,but aku tak lah proud sangat yang aku dapat straight A SPM. To me, seriously, i doesn't really meant anything. Perhaps maybe, easier untuk cari kerja, but still aku mengaku, good result alone tak equals to good performance at work. 

Sama juga orang yang sambung belajar amik diploma or degree. Bila keluar, nilai diorang lebih tinggi berbanding orang yg just ada SPM. Walaupun, diorang pun. Tak tau apa diorg belajar masa kat universiti. Again, post aku ni tak merangkumi semua k. Tak dinafikan, ramai yang bersungguh-sungguh sangat dekat university. Banyak benda yang diorang belajar, dan aktiviti luar luar kelas pun banyak yang bagi pengalaman mahal untuk diorang. 

Tapi bagi aku, and aku sendiri pun sedar, apa aku buat kat uni dulu. Nak kata banyak main, tak juga.. Nak kata banyak belajar pun tak juga. Sedarhana. Just hasil dari apa yang aku belajar dekat uni, selain hutang piutang yang aku perlu bayar, aku rasa aku tak lah hebat sangat pun. Maksud aku, ye lah, orang dengar budak grad US, pointer tinggi pulak tu, mesti hebat. But i feel macam bila balik sini, aku biasa je. Yes, pengalaman berharga yang lain tu mesti la banyak mengajar juga. Tapi point aku sekarang, tak kurang nya juga orang-orang yang lepas spm, terus kerja. Cari rezeki, cari pengalaman. Umur 22 aku grad, tapi takda pengalaman kerja, dan  sorang lagi umur 22, tak da degree tp dah ada pengalaman kerja 5 tahun. 

Aku just rasa aku tak patut langsung pandang rendah kat yg tak da degree tu. Malah aku perlu lebih respect dia kot. Dah ada income, and no debt interms of education. Tapi, sapa yang suruh aku pandang rendah pun kan.. Entah. Maybe stigma masyarakat buat aku rasa macam tu, macam bila masuk uni, tehn keluar, immediately, higher value. But klu nak kata ttg apa yang dia belajar, tak la beza byk mana pun. Tambah2 yang byk sibuk spen most of theor time main game, tgk drama and habis duit kat kafe2 hipster. 

Tak lah.. Again, tak semua orang sama kan.. 

Maybe it's just me. Aku mula rasa tak selesa orang pandang rendah kat budak2 yang belajar stakat spm tak sambung belajar. Pandang diorang macam tak da masa depan just sbb someone ada phD, master, degree or SPM alone, without considering their discipline, effort and hardwork into the equation. 

Yes, i think apa yang mengganggu fikiran aku adalah bila orang boleh pandang orang lain macam diorang tak da masa depan. As if, road to succes ni ada one door. 

Wait what does success mean anyway?

Dah la..membebel benda ni sampai esok tak habis. Just that is basically what i want to write about. 

Some lessons i learnt recently.

1. Take things slowly, no need to rush every time

2. Education level is just one thing. Look beyond that in a person

3. Just do not judge

Cukup lah dulu kot. Banyak-banyak pun nanti lupa..

My 24 year-old's voice

.

Here i am still alive. Alhamdulillah.

This time, i must say, life is so different as i hope it would be. I remember crying while pondering what happened with my life. Life is full with surprises. Sometimes you like it so much, but sometimes you hope it wouldn't happen at all. But things happen.  And you can just question things without understanding the exact reason.

Being honest, I think a lot about love and marriage. I know, things seems so difficult for me right now, when you own parents disapprove your relationship. I just want it to be simple and let it pure, yet there are so many obstacles.

Yes, i must say sometimes i question my standing. 

I know exactly that they aren't happy with my choice. i wish i could be an obedient daughter and follow what they want. However, something in me really want me to be strong and hold on with my choice this time. I beg God to help me through all this.

Of course sometimes i feel so guilty for not obeying their opinion. But at the same time, i have no idea why must they disrespect me. Why can't they understand my feelings and why i think this way?

I got confused sometimes. Seriously i do.

Sometimes i feel very weak because my own family didn't let me choose who i want to be with for the rest of my life. And i keep thinking, is this what we call blind love. I mean, is it what i saw in him just a role-play? 

Am i not adult enough to think what is best for my own self?

Or am i so desperate?

I took enough time to reflect on my self. Asking what exactly i want in life. A partner like what am i searching for to be with?

So i decided to spend my time on this. Writing about what i am looking for so that when i get confuse again, i will be able to read this.

What i really want in a relationship, 

1. Kindness. Character in a person really counts. How he treat me, how he treat other people really important. Yes, character, personality, and values. Please remind yourself to find a guy for you to live with for a very long period of time. I mean to eternity. Yes, happy times might make both of you laugh and smile, but remember you may have problem with him, how he deals with a situation when he is panic, when both of you are clueless about the way out. I want someone who is wise, calm and religious

2. Honesty. This is painful reality. I have problem with this issue my own. Not that I don't want to be honest, but sometimes i am too afraid. I would keep it a secret and act like things aren't important. I didn't feel the need to voice out although the information should be shared. And there are issues to discuss. If i could hate  myself, this might be the number one reason. I keep things to my self and i know i had create too many problems and suffer from them all. For that reason, i must change that in me because i know the importance of it and understand i need someone like that.

3. Openness , this is so much related to the previous point, being open about our feelings, about our routine and our opinion is really important, i can't explain how essential this is in a relationship. If i could shout to my own ears, this might be it. Human thinks a lot,really. If there are secrets, our mind will do that extra work thinking. I wish we could alway think the positive ones, but the reality is, we will fall into negative thinking and when you have the bad thoughts about your spouse, you know exactly where that will lead you both into, yeah.

4. Talk and explore. Don't assume and accuse. Yes, communication. Keep it going, if you don't know or understand something, just ask. Don't afraid to talk about it.  Pillow talk is so important. Well, if you are not married, I don't mean that pillow talk. I mean, share your feelings, talk about stuffs in your mind. Anything, let it out. About your current feelings, about hot issues around the world, about your personal or family problems, about your day at work.. Just anything. Keep it going. Dont just keep quiet. Build intimacy. Trust me, i will never understand how important this is until i meet this one person.

5. Respect. While you are falling in love, in the beginning, everything might seems so flowery and almost everything you talk about sound similar to each other. However, over time, you will slowly or rapidly find differences between the two of you, difference in opinion,  difference in behavior, difference daily habits. Even the smallest issue could lead to a fight. So always respect each other. You don't have to agree with each and every things your partner says and does, just respect them, and accept the reality that we are human and human are created unique and different, right.

6. Apologize. When your relationship matures, you will get into fights and things will go against you. And there must be things you did would hurt your partner and vice versa. So why don't you apologize. Sometimes sorry seems to be the hardest world, right? But if you really love your relationship, come on, just put that aside...

7. Cooperate. Share responsibilities. Because of all, you want a partner who you can rely on. And of course, you must play your part too. If you are expecting your partner to be very reliable, you must be a responsible person as well. Do not expect things form others without reflecting on yourself first.

8. Give and take. Just like living with a roommate, there are ups and downs in a relationship. You cant expect the path is full of roses every time. Rocky roads will definitely appear. Work together, trust me, hard times will make a relationship stronger. And please. Never ask for out just because you are going through hard times. Imagine, when you later have problem at work, issues with your parents and your little children are testing your patience, you just want an end. But just don't run away from problems. Don't cut the relationship just because things are too difficult. Work together. You will appreciate those moments after.

9. Always have God in your heart. In good or bad times, you must make your relationship with God stronger and stronger. Remind each other that life is a test. Never go astray. At the end, God is where we are from and where we belonged. He is the creator and He is All-Knowing.  If you can't find the way out, call upon Him. He is indeed near. But never forget him when you are in good times. Remember, He is God. Your goal is to be near Him. That is all..

Yes, my point is, find love that will make you happy, keep you closer to Allah and make you way to Jannah possible.

Find the one who have good relationship with others, someone you can live with no matter how long or how short the period will be. And find someone you can tolerate.

Find someone who can make you want to be a better person, someone who love you sincerely and will protect you from the evil of the world.

Find a good dad for you future children, a kind husband for yourself and a best friend for your life.

Yes, not to forget, financial stability is as important, keep that in mind too.

You know exactly what kind of person you want to be you partner. Don't compromise.

peranan bapa

Oleh: Mohd Sukki Bin Othman (Ustaz Shauqi)


Dalam Islam, institusi keluarga merupakan suatu perkara yang amat diambil berat dan diutamakan. Sekiranya ditinjau ajaran Islam, kita dapati Islam telah meletakkan garis panduan yang begitu lengkap dalam menyusun sistem kekeluargaan yang mantap dan harmoni, sekaligus menjadikannya batu asas yang kukuh kepada pembentukan sebuah masyarakat yang teguh lagi utuh. Ini kerana, kebahagiaan yang wujud dalam keluarga akan memberikan kesan yang positif terhadap pembentukan masyarakat dan negara. Akan tetapi, sekiranya institusi keluarga menghadapi masalah dan berada dalam kepincangan, ia akan membawa akibat negatif dalam masyarakat seterusnya menafikan keharmonian hidup. Islam amat prihatin dalam mempastikan kerukunan rumahtangga dan keluarga. Justeru, setiap individu dalam keluarga sama ada ibu, bapa mahupun anak mempunyai tanggungjawab masing-masing yang perlu ditunaikan demi mewujudkan keharmonian dan keutuhan dalam keluarga.

Kadang-kala terdapat tanggapan di dalam masyarakat bahawa tugas mendidik anak bukanlah tugas bapa, sebaliknya ia adalah tugas ibu. Ini menyebabkan golongan bapa 'lepas tangan' dan membiarkan sepenuhnya urusan mendidik ini kepada si ibu. Ini ialah satu tanggapan yang salah dan tidak selari dengan syariat Islam. Bapa sebagai ketua dalam rumahtangga merupakan tonggak kepada institusi keluarga. Oleh itu, bapa juga berperanan sebagai pendidik terhadap anak dan sewajarnya menjalankan tanggungjawab dengan penuh dedikasi dalam mengemudi bahtera rumahtangga demi memastikan anak-anaknya mencapai kecemerlangan di dunia dan di akhirat. Rasulullah sepatutnya dijadikan contoh oleh para bapa masa kini untuk mendidik anak-anak ke jalan yang diredhai Allah. Sebagai seorang bapa, Rasulullah telah berjaya memimpin keluarga ke arah yang dikehendaki oleh Allah. Walaupun puteri Rasulullah mempunyai iman yang kental, namun Rasulullah tetap berpesan kepada puterinya itu: “Wahai Fatimah, bebaskanlah dirimu daripada api neraka”. Bapa pada hari ini sewajarnya mencontohi Rasulullah saw dengan berusaha mendidik anak-anak menjadi anak yang soleh. Apatah lagi Allah swt telah memperingatkan perkara ini di dalam Surah al-Tahrim, ayat 6 melalui firmanNya yang bermaksudnya : “Wahai orang yang beriman! Selamatkan diri kamu dan anggota keluarga kamu daripada api neraka”.

Perlu dijelaskan bahawa fungsi mendidik anak sememangnya terletak pada bahu seorang bapa, manakala ibu sebagai pendokong dan penyokong utamanya. Ini dinyatakan dalam firman Allah dalam Surah Luqman ayat 13 yang bermaksud: "Dan ketika Luqman berkata kepada anaknya, pada waktu dia memberi pengajaran kepada anaknya: Hai anakku, janganlah kamu menyekutukan Allah, sesungguhnya menyekutukan Allah adalah benar-benar kezaliman besar." Di sini, Luqman sebagai seorang bapa, mula mendidik anaknya dengan memperkenalkannya kepada Allah, Pencipta dan Pemilik alam ini. Seterusnya Luqman (mewakili kaum bapa) mengajarkan anaknya tentang bahaya syirik dan menasihatkan anaknya mengenai beberapa tata cara akhlak mulia. Begitulah betapa besarnya tanggungjawab bapa dan ini menunjukkan bapa memang tidak boleh lepas tangan dalam pembinaan syakhsiah anak.

Punca utama bapa yang mengabaikan tanggungjawabnya ialah kerana tiadanya matlamat yang jelas dalam hidup berkeluarga. Sekiranya perkahwinan didasarkan kepada nafsu semata-mata, maka ia akan menjadikan rumah tangga hambar dan tidak berhaluan. Matlamat yang jelas akan menyebabkan seseorang bapa itu membuat perancangan yang teratur untuk masa depan anak-anak dan dapat menjalani kehidupan di dunia dan akhirat dengan lebih cemerlang. Seorang bapa yang diamanahkan oleh Allah dengan isteri dan anak-anak, mempunyai tanggungjawab yang amat penting di dalam menjamin kesinambungan wujudnya generasi yang bertanggungjawab dan berguna kepada diri sendiri, masyarakat dan negara. Sikap prihatin seorang bapa amat penting di dalam menentukan hala tuju hidup seorang anak kerana bapalah orang yang paling berkuasa terhadap ahli keluarga di bawah jagaannya. Justeru, seorang bapa mestilah menentukan matlamat yang jelas sejak daripada awal perkahwinan lagi agar dia dapat mengemudi bahtera rumahtangga di atas jalan yang betul dan lurus.

Apabila seseorang bapa menimang cahayamata, dia hendaklah berusaha mendidik anaknya sejak kecil lagi dengan didikan yang baik dan sempurna. Apatah lagi, pepatah Melayu sendiri ada menyatakan : « melentur buluh biarlah daripada rebungnya ». Seorang bapa perlu prihatin dengan sunnah nabi apabila menyambut kelahiran anaknya, dengan mengazankan di telinga kanan dan mengiqamatkan di telinga kiri anaknya. Amat malang sekali apabila si bapa tidak berada di sisi si ibu ketika anaknya dilahirkan, dan seterusnya kalimah-kalimah suci tidak diperdengarkan di telinga anaknya itu. Seterusnya, bapa bertanggungjawab untuk memberikan nama yang baik kepada anaknya sebagaimana hadis yang telah diriwayatkan oleh al-Hakim dan al-Dailami, Rasulullah saw bersabda maksudnya: “Hak anak ke atas ayahnya ialah memberinya nama yang baik, mengajarnya menulis, mengahwinkannya apabila sudah cukup umur dan mengajarnya al- Quran”. Apabila anak tersebut mencecah umur seminggu, rambutnya hendaklah dicukur, ditahnikkannya (diberi manisan/belah mulut) dan sunat diaqiqahkan bagi mereka yang berkemampuan untuk melahirkan kesyukuran kepada Allah terhadap rezeki yang dikurniakan oleh Allah.

Seterusnya, seseorang bapa amat perlu berganding bahu dengan ibu berpadu tenaga untuk mendidik anak berasaskan akidah Islam yang mantap. Keutuhan akidah akan melahirkan anak yang soleh dan seterusnya menjamin kemuliaan akhlak remaja Islam. Dalam hal ini, Dr Abdullah Nasih Ulwan dalam bukunya Tarbiyyatul Aulad Fil Islam (Pendidikan Anak-anak Di dalam Islam) mengenengahkan beberapa tanggungjawab yang perlu dilaksanakan oleh ibubapa terhadap anak-anak mereka, Antaranya ialah:

1. Tanggungjawab pendidikan keimanan
2. Tanggungjawab pendidikan akhlak.
3. Tanggungjawab pendidikan jasmani.
4. Tanggungjawab pendidikan mental.
5. Tanggungjawab pendidikan rohani.

Perkara pertama dan utama dalam mendidik anak-anak ialah menyemaikan asas-asas keimanan dalam jiwa mereka. Mereka perlu diajar untuk meyakini perkara-perkara ghaib yang telah diterangkan di dalam al-Quran dan hadis seperti beriman kepada Allah, Malaikat, para rasul, alam barzakh, syurga, neraka dan sebagainya. Dalam kitab Ihya’ ‘Ulumiddin karangan Hujjatul Islam al-Imam al-Ghazali, diceritakan kepada kita bagaimana salafussoleh mendidik anak-anak mereka. Antaranya ialah kisah berikut: “Sahal bin Abdullah menceritakan bahawa: "Ketika aku berumur tiga tahun, aku sudah mulai bangun malam dan memerhatikan bapa saudaraku solat. Tiba-tiba pada suatu hari dia bertanya kepada aku, adakah engkau mengingati Allah yang menjadikan engkau? Lalu aku bertanya, bagaimana cara mengingati-Nya?, kemudian beliau berkata kepada ku, sebutkan dalam hatimu tiga kali ketika hendak tidur tanpa menggerakkan lidah mu (Allah bersamaku, Allah melihatku dan Allah menyaksikanku). Setelah beberapa kali aku melakukan, lalu disuruhkan pula aku menyebutnya tujuh kali pada setiap malam. Selepas itu disuruhnya pula sebelas kali sehingga aku merasakan kemanisan bacaan itu dalam hatiku. Setelah berlalu masa setahun, maka dia berkata kepadaku, "Wahai Sahal! jagalah baik-baik apa yang aku ajarkan engkau itu dan bacalah ia hingga engkau masuk ke dalam kubur." Katanya lagi, "Wahai Sahal! Siapa yang mengetahui dan menyedari yang Allah sentiasa bersamanya, menyaksikannya, apakah boleh dia berbuat maksiat lagi? Jauhkanlah dirimu daripada perbuatan maksiat." Melalui proses latihan yang disebutkan di atas serta pendidikan keimanan yang murni muncullah Sahal menjadi seorang ulama' yang terkenal.

Bapa juga perlu memberi perhatian kepada ibadat-ibadat fardhu yang perlu dilaksanakan seumpama solat, puasa dan sebagainya. Sebagai contohnya, nabi Muhammad saw telah bersabda, maksudnya : « Perintahkan anak-anakmu mengerjakan solat ketika dia berumur 7 tahun dan pukullah dia bilamana tidak mahu mengerjakan solat semasa berusia 10 tahun … ». Nabi Muhammad saw menyuruh kita memukul anak berumur 10 tahun yang tidak mahu mengerjakan solat. Tetapi adakah kita menjalankan hukuman tersebut kepada anak yang tidak mahu bersolat? Kita mungkin pukul kalau anak tidak buat kerja sekolah atau tidak lulus periksa. Jarang kedengaran bapa memukul anak kerana tidak mendirikan solat. Macam mana nak pukul anak yang tidak menunaikan solat sedangkan terdapat ibubapa sendiri yang tidak bersolat.
Seterusnya, bapa perlu memberikan perhatian kepada pendidikan akhlak anak. Akhlak mulia anak perlu dibentuk sejak mereka kecil seperti amanah, bercakap benar, menghormati orang tua, berbuat baik kepada jiran dan sebagainya. Nabi sendiri pernah menegaskan bahawa baginda diutuskan untuk menyempurnakan kemuliaan akhlak, ini sekaligus menunjukkan betapa pendidikan akhlak terhadap anak-anak itu sangat penting. Bekas pemimpin India yang masyhur iaitu Gandhi juga telah mengakui hakikat ini dengan kata-kata beliau: “Agama dan akhlak merupakan perkara yang satu, tidak boleh dipisahkan di antara kedua-duanya”. Bagi memastikan anak mempunyai akhlak yang mulia, seorang bapa mestilah mengawasi segala tingkah laku anaknya. Jangan biarkan anaknya membeli bahan-bahan bacaan yang melalaikan seperti majalah hiburan. Begitu juga jangan membiarkan anak berpeleseran dan bercampur gaul dengan rakan-rakan yang rosak akhlak. Di samping itu, pastikan anak-anak diajar untuk menutup aurat sejak mereka kecil dan jangan biarkan mereka mengamalkan pergaulan bebas yang boleh merosakkan diri mereka sendiri.

Tanggungjawab pendidikan jasmani pula ialah bukan sekadar membiasakan anak dengan sukan dan aktiviti-aktiviti yang menyihatkan badan, tetapi bapa juga perlu mengambil berat tentang soal pemakanan yang membentuk jasmani anak Bukan diperhatikan tentang khasiat vitamin makanan itu saja tetapi pastikan kehalalannya. Adakah ia dari sumber yang halal atau haram. Ini penting kerana mengikut Nabi 'daging yang tumbuh dari sumber yang haram, maka neraka lebih utama untuknya'.

Tanggungjawab pendidikan mental pula ialah menyediakan kepada anak ilmu-ilmu manfaat yang perlu dipelajari oleh mereka bagi melahirkan akal dan mental yang sihat. Justeru, pembelajaran fardhu ‘ain perlu diutamakan di samping fardhu kifayah. Akan tetapi, amat malang sekali pada hari ini apabila kita dapati ada bapa yang sanggup menghabiskan wang ringgit untuk anaknya mendalami ilmu fardhu kifayah dengan menghantar anaknya ke kelas tuisyen pada setiap hari, tetapi dalam masa yang sama dia tidak mengambil berat soal fardhu ‘ain anak sehingga ada yang sudah besar panjang tetapi masih tidak tahu membaca Fatihah dengan betul.

Tanggungjawab pendidikan rohani juga tidak kurang pentingnya bagi membentuk sikap dan peribadi anak. Oleh itu, bapa seharusnya melatih anak untuk berqiamullail, berpuasa sunat serta menanamkan dalam jiwa mereka sifat-sifat mahmudah (yang terpuji) dan menjauhkan mereka daripada sebarang sifat yang mazmumah (yang tercela).

Justeru, Walau bagaimana sibuk pun seorang bapa bekerja mencari rezeki, dia berkewajipan untuk meluangkan masa untuk mendidik anak-anak. Mengenai keperluan anak-anak, terdapat sesetengah daripada bapa yang menyangka bahawa kewajipan mereka hanyalah menyediakan keperluan fizikal atau material sahaja seperti makan-minum, tempat tinggal, pakaian dan sebagainya. Selain dari itu tiada lagi tanggungjawab yang perlu ditunaikan. Ini adalah satu pandangan yang silap dan berbahaya. Akibatnya mereka membiarkan anak-anak mengatur langkah mereka sendiri dalam menentukan hala tuju kehidupan mereka tanpa bimbingan dan pemerhatian. Natijahnya, anak-anak mereka mungkin berjaya dari sudut pelajaran kerana mereka disediakan kemudahan ke arah itu, akan tetapi dalam masa yang sama, anak-anak mereka terdiri daripada remaja yang rosak akhlaknya.

Oleh itu, setiap bapa wajar merenung hadis Rasulullah saw ini sedalam-dalamnya iaitu sabda Rasulullah s.a.w yang bermaksud: “Setiap anak dilahirkan dalam keadaan fitrah (suci bersih), maka ibubapalah yang mencorakkannya menjadi Yahudi, Nasrani atau Majusi”. Hadis ini menjelaskan kepada kita bahawa perlakuan anak-anak atau corak kehidupan mereka pada masa hadapan adalah bergantung kepada sikap dan tahap keprihatinan ibu bapa terhadap mereka.

If it's meant to be, it will be

So I was in the office. And during my work time, they turn on the radio... Since I'm there now, the turn the channel from Chinese to the English channel. But that is beside the point. I just wanna say that almost everyday, I will listen to the hits English songs. One of them stuck in my mind. Kinda interesting that I made the title of the song as my blog post title today.

I am in the midst of adjusting my self in a new life. As a working person and as someone in a relationship. There are so many things I am thinking about and worrying most of the time. Days I am currently going through aren't how I used to imagine it to be. Not trying to put things sound negative or positive but I when I say different, it just mean different. Not better or worse.

Back to the topic. Anyone at my age will spend enough time thinking about their future, right.  Worrying too much will harm you. but I must mention what Allah had planned for me is beautiful enough. I can sit alone thinking back at it with my tears rolling out of gratefulness. True, I have no idea about the future. Whether or not, I will be still doing the same job next year, and most importantly, whether or not I will build a family with this same person. Because that is what I am really hoping for.

Worrying is good for you to make the effort and begging God to help you in this. But worrying too much will make you miss out the happiness and joy right in front of your eyes.  Constantly thinking and worrying things you can't control won't help at all. Instead, try to be present. Cherish every moment in your life and don't miss out the fun. Truthfully, there are many things happening each day that make me smile and laugh. But if I am thinking too much then I will miss them out,

Not that I am saying you should put no effort into this. You must. 

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel, right?

And remember, if it is meant to be, it will be. God had written things for us. But if you really really want something, Doa, prayers you make every day may change the destiny. Make enough of that. InsyaAllah.

But in case it is not happening, wipe your tears, trust God that He has a better plan for us. Just never let it slip into your mind that God isn't listening to your prayers. He is All-Knowing of your effort as well. Don't think He overlooked you. Every effort counts. Have trust in that. 

My point here, do your best and let Allah do the rest. If it meant to be, it will be. Don't forget to smile, just enjoy where we are at.