The price of studying overseas

The term price is often associated with money. However it is actually can be described by more than that.It is a cost, anything we need to sacrifice when we want some other thing in return. It is an opportunity cost.

The most expensive price that , to me, i need to stand is the sacrifice of the valuable time with family. Indeed, most people when they thought about studying overseas, what we think is fun, experience, independent, lucky and intelligent. Those are some sweet words floating in the mind when we talk about studying abroad, far from family.

But trust me, life is balanced. when you have the happiness, you will have to bare some sadness too. I am not too proud to study abroad but not also to regret it anyway.I am happy to have this opportunity but obviously, although most are my friends and relatives are jealous with where I am, I am too, jealous with where they are.

This is not a complaint. This is a reflection. I am not unhappy with what I need to sacrifice but this feeling makes me think and learn to be grateful. There are not many people would talk about this when they need to share their experience about studying in other country.I don't know about what they feel, but this is what I always feel.

Alhamdulillah, I have the opportunity experiencing different culture, different weather, different places, different time zone, different people and many more but note that i loss the time that I could have spend with my family.

I miss the time to be with my family. I need to sacrifice the real presence to make them happy. To make them laugh, to help them washes the dish, cook for them, clean the house for them, take care of my cats, eat with them, shopping, drive them to anywhere, I am not there for them when they need any help for a healthy young lady. I am not available for them when they need someone strong to do tough work. They are old already but they need to do everything by themselves in that late age, As if, I was never exist. I believe when they  raised me up, they hope that the cute little baby would grow up as a good kid and the a great human being. This little daughter was hoped to bring happiness in their-lives. This kid, will be the coolness of their eyes, they wish.

But when I grow up, a little older, I leave them. I went to a boarding school, for five years.Indeed, I did went back once in two or three months but of course, as a teenager at the time, our relationship aren't so strong. i have wasted times doing my business while letting them doing theirs. Allah, forgive me!.

Then, after high school, not even two months spending time at home, I entered a college, stayed in a hostel. time burned. After foundation, I was busy with my so-called important things arranging my journey to the US. Yes, I did spend sometime but of course not that much.

Now that I am here. almost a year. One year loss of time to serve them. I sacrificed one year till now, here 'enjoying' my self alone, without them. I was happy when my first time experience snow, I celebrated it myself, playing very happily forgetting about them. I sent them just pictures, but what can pictures do, they can't even feel the cold of it,can't even touch it to know how fluffy it is. What is the difference between me sending those pictures with what they seen on TV? While i am so happy, they can just observe. They get nothing, yet they make doa for me so I am always blessed with more happiness. wow.

I am the one who are happy. I am the one who get those experience. And they are the one who sacrificed a lot, Yet, i can't even have that love to make some sincere doa for them so Allah may bless them. I hardly find time  to really engage in my doa with the actual hope so that Allah love them like how they always love me! SELFISH ME! If they were too, being selfish, they would only make doa for themselves. the faced hardships and bugger problems more that I do, and I would be no one and nowhere without their doa. They can always forget me and just ask help from Allah only for themselves. But that is not what happen. They still and keep make doa for their ungrateful daughter who only-Allah-knows when do she make doa for them too, if any. Allah, Bless them, please!

This is the price in need to pay. sacrificing the joy with them, time with them, the chance to serve them and make them please and happy. I do not know till when, theywould be here. wallahu 'alam. but just in case oneday, I get thenews about their death, I am not sure if I cant bare it. I believe i have not make them happy. I would regret for choosing to sacrifice the time, but Allah knows best. but also, if I am the one who need to go first, That is even worse. For at least, if they go first i will still have the opportunity to serve them by doing a lots of good deeds that will benefit them in the here after, make doa for them so they will forbidden from the punishment in the grave and the hell fire.. But conversely, If I need to go first, what I have is what I have. What I already did is what I already did. I can't add more goodness. They were raising a kid, but that kid does not even know how to value them during her life. Their investment in this kid is worthless. they get nothing. Allah, Make me a good child! make me meet my parents, family, teachers, and friends, in the paradise, Jannatul Ferdous.Allahumma Amiin

Allah,
Guide me to make my parents happy, my family happy, everyone who have me, happy.
Amiin

If, one day, you are reading this, but I am longer in this world, please, firstly,make doa for me. I will need that very badly.And please, make doa for my parents,and my family
and tell them, I love them so much and I ask them for forgiveness for taking them for granted.
They are Mahanum Husin and Shaharom Nizam Abd. Manap. From Malaysia.

May Allah bless all parents in the world and grant them patience dealing with their children at this era.

want to get married does not means READY!

In one of my previous posts, I did mentioned, i want to get married... but that does not mean i say I am ready for marriage! Please, don't get me wrong...  of course i want to get married yeah, because I want someone to always be there with me.. like they always call it, the better half.. I wonder if anyone who don't have the desire to get married at this age.. 

However, even if, just if, my crush send a proposal to me or my family, wanting to take me as his wife, until today, i would have to reject! I am not ready. Yes, I want to, but I am not ready to enter that  responsibility world. I am not responsible enough to my own self! I am not ready for marriage unless I am totally responsible for myself first. If I can take care of my self financially, physically, emotionally, then I am ready for marriage.Marriage is ibadah.. it is not for me to get married just to satisfy my desire.. it is supposed to be for Allah! it is an Ibadah! my intention should be for Allah, and of course, I need to make sure to do my Ibadah with so much care! I am not yet ready. so many things that I need to be prepared to go through that world..

I once traveled with some guys.( InsyaAllah I will avoid doing that again..but I've learned so much) I know that guys are just like a big baby.. I need to be prepared for that! if I can't even organize my own self, how do I take care of that big baby? I mean, seriously.( Guys, no offense.. ). Anyhow, I must make sure I can handle and take care of those who are around me first before even think of getting married.. Honestly, I am not ready, until people around me could tell me if I am ready. I am not even a responsible child to my parents yet :(

I know, most scholars are asking and trying to encourage young people to get married.. Most young people are getting excited with this phenomena. But still, getting mature before getting married should be in the list!. I am totally agree that young people need to get married as soon as possible obviously to avoid those coupling, dating, and for sure, fornication. these sins are getting popular nowadays and should be overcome effectively.. how? get married! but before that, be MATURE! 

People are over excited to get married that they skipped the steps before getting married.  here is the list. 
1. Be mature
2. be responsible
3. get married
(of course,, with other obligations as well. learn.practice, teach)

Come on people... getting married early means getting mature and be responsible EARLY! how?learn for those sahabi( the companions of the prophet) like Zaid ibnu Harithah, Arqam ibnu Abu Al-Arqam, Talhah ibn Ubaydillah... and many more.. 

they became so responsible even at age of teens and around that.. They are willing to take care of the name of Islam because of how mature they are, they are ready to take the responsibility. What about us? even the school assignments, we can't manage. We are more interested in those movies, technologies that drive us no where. 

*sighs* 

conclusion : yes, I want to get married but in deeper meaning, I need to get mature and be responsible as soon as possible. Marriage is not to divorce. No one wants it that way.. so then, I need to make sure I get prepared first, before taking any step in.

Marriage is not for kids to have fun and when a problem comes, they get divorce.It is for a man and a woman to get together with the purpose of meet the ultimate goal, Allah's pleasure. It is a serious matter and not at all, a fairy tale like they try to prove. Thus, I am not ready until no one should tell me I need to do my homework, clean my room and call my parents. That time, I know exactly what to do. 

Self-sufficient but to Allah

sounds childish, but that is the reality. 


Wallahu ta'ala 'alam.. may Allah guide us all.. amiin

Stand still as a special woman, yes i can.

I can't hold this any longer! i have kept it in my heart for so many weeks but I cant stand it anymore. One thing that keep on bothering me.Boy Girl relationship. Seriously, I think, I had never have this kind of problem before. but since I set down here, I started to be tested regarding this matter. No. not about couple. Alhamdulillah I am not into that and I make doa to Allah may He keep me far from that. Alahumma Amiin. I know some people would be annoyed reading this post but I warn you to stop. But I just can't lie to my self anymore. I don't know if this is right!
can I just write this letter and just hope everyone( guys ) who wanted to interact with me read this first before getting me wrong!  Allahu Akbar. this test is really weaken me down! 

Dear you, 

No. It is not because i am low self confidence and low-self esteem that I am not talking to you! It is not because i love to be alone that don't like to mingle around. No! it is not because I am naive that I am socially awkward! I can talk well with other girls insyaAllah, put aside my language barrier. IT IS NOT BECAUSE I AM SHY THAT I AM AVOIDING TALKING TO YOU! i know i had post about this earlier but seriously, i just think i need to express this. So, stop asking me if I am shy like directly in front of my face! what do you expect me to reply? Yes? then what? No? come on! stop asking that stupid question that I would categorize it as the question I hated the most. be a gentle man, if you are a muslim, you should know what I am trying to do. why I act that way. but if you are not a muslim( yet), I will tell you why. but don't regret reading this!

I don't talk to you because I know I have a very beautiful and soft voice that I believe that you can never able to handle hearing it. I know I am special because Allah create me like this and I need to handle this with so much care. I know I am not a man but how do I know man would melt just by listening to a woman's voice? Because Allah tells me and tells us, Allah had ask woman to be careful in projecting their voice. Allah asks us women to be careful and try to minimize our interaction with you guys. I believe it is because our voice is a disaster to you that you cant do other things else than hoping to hear it again and again because it is just stuck in your mind and you can't get away. Because I am so kind, I don't want to drive you crazy!

I don't like to meet you because i know i am too beautiful even when I am covered. I know, there is something in me that you just can't hold yourself if we meet. I am just so so so special, lovely, amazing, overwhelming, right? I knew it.i believe, if you are a true man, when we meet, your attention if not for what deal we want to make or what project we are working on, you will just amazed with how great Allah created such a creature like me, Subhanallah, right?  I know you won't show. you will just pretend like you are not at all interested in me and you just want to looked professional by proving me that you are not at all distracted by me. okay, keep on with your play. I know the truth because I believe in Allah. If you are trying to hold your self back, i believe, you too are in a struggle. pretending to be professional is like in a war.. right? i know it is not easy.. therefore, I as I am super kind, i just don't want you to be in war within your own self. keep your energy and strength for a better reason to use it.

Even if we need to meet for some reason, Sorry, I hate talking about unnecessary things. while we are discussing like a serious matter, i know it is tempting to talk about something relaxing. I know. but you know what, that is when we are actually triggering the door of sin if we really doing it.trust me, it is not easy for me either. but we just need to make sure we keep His law and rule appropriately. and even when we meet, please understand why I don't want to look into your eyes for minutes. i will look into your eyes but not that long, just to focus in what you say., I don't know what people think if i dont look into your eyes AT ALL while we are talking to each other but to me, i just think it is rude. but I will try my best not to look into your eyes so long and you know why! i am flexible, we can meet for important things but i am so strict when it come to violating my religion's rule. and of course, don't think of meeting me if it is just you and me. please understand this, you think i am so extreme, and yes, yo are right, i need to be extremely careful when dealing with a mystery creature like you. 

Enough three paragraph of telling yo why? let me tell you one more thing. I might explaining to you in a very proud way but please understand, it is not easy for me to keep standing this way when most people get me wrong. i am not that strong yet. i am a woman, surely i have that temptation to spend time with guys to have that "normal" friendship like everyone has! ofcourse, if only Allah don't help me through this, i can just go out there, talk as much as I wish with you guys, spend more time and just enjoy the moment together, have some fun and all this 'exciting stuff' . But i know who i am trying to be and whom i am trying to please. trust me, it is not easy, therefore, i hope you understand and respect my Principe. I ask help most importantly from Allah.! but i need also you to help me going through this by not getting wrong with my decision. understand why i act this way and don't make stupid statement that i am 'shy' or i am sooo introvert or close minded that i am who I am. DONT FORCE ME TO DO WHAT IS WRONG! PLEASE!. I hope Allah love me for what i am doing and hope I am doing this right. seriously, I am weak and I can fall anytime but may Allah help me. 

THIS IS HARD, BUT I KNOW I CAN GO THROUGH THIS, MYZATIL, STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT THEY SAY AND WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT YOU. KEEP STANDING FIRM, AND DONT AFRAID, 

WHEN I READ THIS POST AGAIN  INSYA ALLAH, I MUST MAKE SURE THAT I AM STILL HOLDING THE SAME PRINCIPE. if not, I NEED TO MAKE SURE I GET THAT BACK.

MAY ALL HELP ME AND HELP US ALL. 

wallahu ta'ala 'alam.

Syria for dummies

       In the article ‘Sunni Cleric Issues Appeal for World’s Muslims to Help Syrian Rebels’ from The New Work Times, Anne Barnard and Hwaida Saad reported about the call by a prominent Sunni Muslim cleric for Muslims around the world to help Syrian rebels in the embattled town of Qusayr. Sheikh Yusef al-Qardawi, the Muslim Cleric, also labelled Hezbollah and Iran, which support the Syrian government, as enemies of Islam “more infidel than Jews and Christians.” Tensions also heightened in Lebanon over the war in neighboring Syria. A mainstream Sunni Muslim organization called on Sunnis to join the fight against the Syrian government. The Muslim Scholars Association of Lebanon, a group of Sunni clerics, also issued a fatwa calling on its followers to support Syrian rebels “by words, money, medical aid and fighting, within legitimate restrictions under the ethics of Islam.” The group said it acted in response to Hezbollah’s increasingly intense and public intervention on the side of President Bashar al-Assad of Syria.

     Hassan Nasrallah, the leader of Hezbollah, openly declared his military support for the Assad government. Syrian opposition groups, which aim to overthrow Basyar Al-Assad, condemned Nasrallah’s stand and called for his fighters to withdraw from Syrian soil. Some rebel brigade leaders threatened to retaliate against Hezbollah directly. A resident of Qusayr, who had fled to Baalbek, said doctors in Qusayr were sometimes forced to amputate limbs that had become infected because they had run out of sterilization supplies. He said more than 11,000 Hezbollah fighters were in town, burning apricot and apple orchards and shooting at wounded people trying to escape the violence.

         The conflict in Syria, to some people, is just a political issue. However, some other group of people regards this as internal conflicts between Muslims. This is why I found this article interesting. The writers were not only trying to inform people that the conflict in Syria is more that just a political issue, but also trying to give awareness that those who are fighting in Syria today are not between Muslims. What is happening in Syria is actually giving a very bad image about Islam to outsiders. Most people thought what is happening is all about Muslims fighting each other. To better educated people, they might assume that the conflict is between the two sects within Islam, Sunni and Shiite. However, the reality is, it is between Muslim Sunni and a non-Muslim group that call themselves as Muslims under Alawites Shia. The article stated that, Sunni Muslim clerics regard the Syrian Government and its followers to be the enemy of Islam. 

      Syria is currently ruled by an Alawite regime. The Alawites, with who Bashar Al-Assad is affiliated, is a minority group in Syria, which constituting around 12% of the population. About 70% of Syrians are Sunni Muslims. The Syrian Regime was built by Hafeez Al-Assad who ruled from 1970 until 2000 and was continued by his son, Bashar Al-Assad. He reserved top positions in military and intelligence services for Alawite to maintain his decades of dictatorship. This has generated unsatisfactory among the Sunni civilians. One thing to note, many Alawites are poor, and the military provides reliable income and food for them. Many of Alawites actually join the army for economic reasons, not because they love Bashar or because they love Syria. People are fighting because they lost a family member or they need the money, or they are afraid for their own survival.

         From my point of view, the problem actually rooted from the government itself. They regard themselves as Muslims while they are not. By using the name of Islam, they are destroying Muslims as a whole. Going back to the Alawites’ theology, their profession of faith itself does not reflect them as Muslims, at all. The Alawites’ profession of faith states: "I testify that there is no God but 'Ali ibn-Talib the one to be worshipped, no Veil but the Lord Muhammad worthy to be praised, and no Gate but the Lord Salman al-Farisi the object of love".

         God in Islam, is One and Unique. However, they regard Ali as God, yet Ali is a human being. In islam, the doctrine of tawhid or simply said, the oneness of Allah, is the main concept. Alawites not only regard Ali, a human, as a God, but also Muhammad and Salman Al Farisi are their Lord(s) as well. This concept of God is more likely similar to the concept of trinity in Christianity. Islam is supposed to be a monotheistic religion but this concept is not even near. I believe this is why most Muslim Sunni Cleric regards them as non-Muslims as they worship not only three gods, but their gods are human being. They worship creations instead of a creator. However, this is not the main reason why Muslim Clerics urge all Sunni to fight against them.

       Islam is a peaceful religion that never asks Muslims to fight others unless oppressed. Killing, in Islam, is a big deal. As the Quran states “…if any one slew a person – unless it be for murder or for spreading mischief in the land – it would be as if he slew the whole people: and if any one saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people.” [Al-Qur’an 5:32]. The main reason Sunni Muslims are fighting is because they are oppressed. The oppression toward the Syrian residents is not new. In 1982, a massacre happened when Hafez Al-Assad, the father of Bashar Al-Assad, caused killing of 45,000 of civilians in the city of Hama. That was decades back.  Currently, more than 150,000 people have been killed within only three years since the conflict began on March 2011 Muslim Cleric urge Muslim to help the rebels to fight against the enemy of Islam. Enemy of Islam does not mean those who are having different faith but, as Islam is the religion of peace, its enemy is those who are doing violent and injustice.

      Sunnis are not trying to kill any Shiite anywhere for no reason. The major reason why Sunnis are unsatisfied with Shiites in Syria and those in Iran and Lebanon is because there are Shiites from those areas who are giving hands to the Syrian regime who is now oppressing the civilians. As I analyzed, there are many soldiers who actually have left the regime and side with the rebels as Free Syrian Army (FSA). The important question is, as many sides the civilians, who is aiding the government? Alawites are minority there, and most of the Syrian armies started to join FSA, but what makes the government still able to kill the majority civilians? Besides Rusia and China, Iran and Hezbollah are with Basyar Al-Assad. Iran and Hezbollah are both Shiites majority and they are helping the regime in their violence towards the civilians. That is why Sunnis are fighting against them. Not because of what they believe but mainly because they are helping those who are doing violent. In Islam, it is compulsory to fight to save the innocents from being oppressed and killed.

       The Quran commands to struggle in the path of God. In chapter 2, verse 190-192, it says; “Fight in the cause of Allah those who fight you, but do not transgress limits; for Allah loveth not transgressors. And slay them wherever ye catch them, and turn them out from where they have turned you out; for tumult and oppression are worse than slaughter; but fight them not at the Sacred Mosque, unless they (first) fight you there; but if they fight you, slay them. Such is the reward of those who suppress faith. But if they desist, then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful” These are the verses, which most people misunderstood. To non-Muslims, they thought, as the Quran preaches the Muslims to fight, so that is exactly what Muslims are doing. This is the major misconception. The rebels in Syria are not fighting because Islam preaches violence. The Syrian regime and the rebels are not fighting against each other because they are both Muslims.

       Reality is, the regime is considered as non-Muslim by most Muslim cleric and they are now oppressing Muslims. The world views the Syrian government as Muslims but their actions prove the otherwise. In Islam, the rules of war do not allow Muslims to kill the monks in monasteries, and not to kill those sitting in places of worship. However, the Syrian Government, until today, had destroyed more than 800 mosques in the country. Firstly, they are not following the Islamic rule and second, they destroyed their own place of worship, if really they are Muslims. That is not all, according to Islamic rules in war; Muslims are not allowed to kill any child, any woman, or any elder or sick person. However, the truth is, more than 10,000 children have been killed in the Syrian civil war by airstrikes, bombs, poison gas attack, and many other ways of killings. Besides, sexual and other forms of violence were done against women. I strongly believe these are the reasons the Muslim scholar association called Sunnis to support the Syrian rebels, to help the innocents against violence by the Syrian government.

     To me, this article is very important as it clears up the misconception that the conflict in Syria is caused by the religious issues among Muslims. Ignorant Muslims around the globe, as I was, were confused with the stories. This conflict is not only polluting the image of Islam to the Non-Muslims, it also gives Muslims unacceptable reasons to hate each other. The war has raised the tension between Sunnis and Shiites in the neighboring Lebanon and Iraq. Sunnis started to hate Shiites for everything the Alawites did to Sunnis just because Alawites are Shiites, they said. At the same time, Shiites hate Sunnis as they see the spirit of Sunnis trying to fight against them. What a play.

         From my perspective, this crisis will never end until everyone understands, what is happening. The world needs to be aware that what happen in Syria today, is not because of Muslims practicing Islam that teaches them terrorism and violence but conversely, because they who call themselves Muslims are not obeying Islam, the peaceful religion. The regime’s violence is not portraying the real teachings of Islam. The rebels are fighting to end oppressions and to protect themselves from being next victim. Indeed, fighting injustice and oppressions does not necessarily should be done through killings and violent. However, in the case in Syria and as well in other countries such as Palestine, Kashmir, and Bosnia, they need to shed blood in order to kill those who had killed their families and the community to stop the ongoing grave violations against the civilian population. They have no other option. When people understand the reality, it is actually not only Muslims who are obligated to stop the violent but every human on earth should take the responsibility as well, to make this world a better place to live. People from anywhere can contribute to end the injustice and they do have options to stop the violent by peaceful ways, as the writers are doing.

          The authors did their effective job in taking care of the opinions from the rebels’ side. They are bias and not neutral. They side the anti-Syrian government, the Syrian rebels which actually is the majority population of Syria. It would be better if they discuss and explain more on the reasons Muslims clerics urge Muslims from the whole world to side the rebels and not the regime and what makes the Syrian government keep on oppressing its own civilians.