I can't hold this any longer! i have kept it in my heart for so many weeks but I cant stand it anymore. One thing that keep on bothering me.Boy Girl relationship. Seriously, I think, I had never have this kind of problem before. but since I set down here, I started to be tested regarding this matter. No. not about couple. Alhamdulillah I am not into that and I make doa to Allah may He keep me far from that. Alahumma Amiin. I know some people would be annoyed reading this post but I warn you to stop. But I just can't lie to my self anymore. I don't know if this is right!
can I just write this letter and just hope everyone( guys ) who wanted to interact with me read this first before getting me wrong! Allahu Akbar. this test is really weaken me down!
Dear you,
No. It is not because i am low self confidence and low-self esteem that I am not talking to you! It is not because i love to be alone that don't like to mingle around. No! it is not because I am naive that I am socially awkward! I can talk well with other girls insyaAllah, put aside my language barrier. IT IS NOT BECAUSE I AM SHY THAT I AM AVOIDING TALKING TO YOU! i know i had post about this earlier but seriously, i just think i need to express this. So, stop asking me if I am shy like directly in front of my face! what do you expect me to reply? Yes? then what? No? come on! stop asking that stupid question that I would categorize it as the question I hated the most. be a gentle man, if you are a muslim, you should know what I am trying to do. why I act that way. but if you are not a muslim( yet), I will tell you why. but don't regret reading this!
I don't talk to you because I know I have a very beautiful and soft voice that I believe that you can never able to handle hearing it. I know I am special because Allah create me like this and I need to handle this with so much care. I know I am not a man but how do I know man would melt just by listening to a woman's voice? Because Allah tells me and tells us, Allah had ask woman to be careful in projecting their voice. Allah asks us women to be careful and try to minimize our interaction with you guys. I believe it is because our voice is a disaster to you that you cant do other things else than hoping to hear it again and again because it is just stuck in your mind and you can't get away. Because I am so kind, I don't want to drive you crazy!
I don't like to meet you because i know i am too beautiful even when I am covered. I know, there is something in me that you just can't hold yourself if we meet. I am just so so so special, lovely, amazing, overwhelming, right? I knew it.i believe, if you are a true man, when we meet, your attention if not for what deal we want to make or what project we are working on, you will just amazed with how great Allah created such a creature like me, Subhanallah, right? I know you won't show. you will just pretend like you are not at all interested in me and you just want to looked professional by proving me that you are not at all distracted by me. okay, keep on with your play. I know the truth because I believe in Allah. If you are trying to hold your self back, i believe, you too are in a struggle. pretending to be professional is like in a war.. right? i know it is not easy.. therefore, I as I am super kind, i just don't want you to be in war within your own self. keep your energy and strength for a better reason to use it.
Even if we need to meet for some reason, Sorry, I hate talking about unnecessary things. while we are discussing like a serious matter, i know it is tempting to talk about something relaxing. I know. but you know what, that is when we are actually triggering the door of sin if we really doing it.trust me, it is not easy for me either. but we just need to make sure we keep His law and rule appropriately. and even when we meet, please understand why I don't want to look into your eyes for minutes. i will look into your eyes but not that long, just to focus in what you say., I don't know what people think if i dont look into your eyes AT ALL while we are talking to each other but to me, i just think it is rude. but I will try my best not to look into your eyes so long and you know why! i am flexible, we can meet for important things but i am so strict when it come to violating my religion's rule. and of course, don't think of meeting me if it is just you and me. please understand this, you think i am so extreme, and yes, yo are right, i need to be extremely careful when dealing with a mystery creature like you.
Enough three paragraph of telling yo why? let me tell you one more thing. I might explaining to you in a very proud way but please understand, it is not easy for me to keep standing this way when most people get me wrong. i am not that strong yet. i am a woman, surely i have that temptation to spend time with guys to have that "normal" friendship like everyone has! ofcourse, if only Allah don't help me through this, i can just go out there, talk as much as I wish with you guys, spend more time and just enjoy the moment together, have some fun and all this 'exciting stuff' . But i know who i am trying to be and whom i am trying to please. trust me, it is not easy, therefore, i hope you understand and respect my Principe. I ask help most importantly from Allah.! but i need also you to help me going through this by not getting wrong with my decision. understand why i act this way and don't make stupid statement that i am 'shy' or i am sooo introvert or close minded that i am who I am. DONT FORCE ME TO DO WHAT IS WRONG! PLEASE!. I hope Allah love me for what i am doing and hope I am doing this right. seriously, I am weak and I can fall anytime but may Allah help me.
THIS IS HARD, BUT I KNOW I CAN GO THROUGH THIS, MYZATIL, STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT THEY SAY AND WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT YOU. KEEP STANDING FIRM, AND DONT AFRAID,
WHEN I READ THIS POST AGAIN INSYA ALLAH, I MUST MAKE SURE THAT I AM STILL HOLDING THE SAME PRINCIPE. if not, I NEED TO MAKE SURE I GET THAT BACK.
MAY ALL HELP ME AND HELP US ALL.
wallahu ta'ala 'alam.
No comments:
Post a Comment