Lately, i have been tested. About how i feel towards him. Is he really who i want to be with? To spend the rest of my life with. I have no idea how long i will stay alive, however, i must think about just so many things before i decide.
Yes, some of the reason why I like him are:
Manly, pious, responsible, fit, sporty, handsome, loving and so on,,
But I really need to make sure of these... Is he really how I hope he is?
Well, i really want to build a happy family, but i must admit.. There are many flaws from my self anyway. I feel like there are just sooooo many thing i need to improve before i actually get married and be someone's wife.
First of all, my relation with God. This, i know my very own self. The ups and the downs kinda worries me. Yes, some times i feel very ashamed of myself and which I could use the time better. However, that is why i am writing this. I know my self. I know i am determine of something, i will make sure i get it. Hopefully I will.Thus, I need to be more disciplined. Know what i want to improve and no more wasting time.
Second, my appearance. Though this is somewhat embarrassing, I do feel inferior by the way I look, especially my weight. I really want to reduce the number yet, it still the same. I hope starting for today, i will be able to do something about it. Keep fit, exercise regularly and eat healthy, i must.
Third, my skill as a woman, haha another embarrassing point. To be able to look got, wear nice clothes, put some makeup on my face, wear some high heels and some confident playing with colors. I just cant.. Haha whyyyyy.. I mean, i want to look good, but i feel like i haven't reach there just yet.. Plus, as a woman, i want to be a able to make my man fall in love with me everyday. I have no idea how he can make he fall into him every time. I really hope he can feel the same. I want that kind of power too.
Forth, my communication skill. This is an important stuff. I am still learning. Honestly,
i have learned a lot.. I mean, A LOT
1. Talk to each other, from small stuff to the biggest ones. This is the hardest for me to begin with, i am always the one who keep it inside, afraid of discussing things just because I am a coward. But, if i can mention one thing o have learn from him, it would be this. Slowly but surely, i am able to share things with him. I don't feel judged and am i am not as afraid as i was before.
2. Time heals almost everything. The keyword here is ALMOST. And I must tell, there is a fine life between, just give some time and procrastinate. Sometimes, procrastination leads to a bigger problem. When you need to discuss thing, don't hold it too long.. Quickly share with your partner before it gets worse. But, when a guy ask for some time, please, just them time. Practice patience here. Show your understanding by giving him the time he needs, not by keep asking if he is ok which shows as if you don't trust their ability to handle stuffs.
3. Ask, don't just assume. As a lady, and a typical woman, i can tell that women are overly dramatic and always the victim of overthinking. Then, she cries for the things she wasn't even sure. Please Just Ask. Whatever came across your mind, just ask. Don't play trying to take care of his feelings that you don't ask. If you really love your relationship and want to save your ship, KINDLY JUST ASK,WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.
4. Asking as good, waiting for the answer is the best. You know what are most women are guilty of? They ask, but never want to listen for the answer. You ask, but when your parter is about to say something, you cut them off. You will start to vomit all your negative thoughts and assumptions, hoping they will say no, yet waiting them to say yes. What the???
You are asking him who that lady was, he was about to explain and you said 'your new girlfriend' and he said 'no' and you suddenly raise your voice and said 'liar' until he suddenly said 'fine, yes' and when he said 'yes' you will say 'seee! how could you do this to me'. Just what exactly do you want. Again, please just let him explain first. Later when he's done explaining, it's up to you if you want to go to the kitchen, open the drawer and pull out a knife and cut him into 14 pieces. Just as long as you finally fully understand what is going on.
5. Listen and understand carefully. When he is explaining something, let him finish. I are not the script-writer, so let him finishes. Don't jump into conclusion and don't make any assumptions before it's there. Most problem in relationship happens because we are not a great listener. We want our partner to listen to us yet we don't want to listen to him. Why, and you know what will happen? Misunderstandings and miscommunication. And you know what that leads both of you into.
Ooohhkayy, so, these are just some for my future reference and so I know what i should start and keep doing.. There are many miles to go, so i hope thing will get better every time. Pray for me and wish me luck. Dear Allah, please give the the best accoring to your knowledge.
