Things to Know Before Getting Married

Haha... Laugh all you want for me writing about this :P

Anywayssss

The points below were taken from the book -20 pieces of advice to my sister before her marriage- by the noble scholar Badr Ali Al-Utaybee. I just think the points below are important to remind me later on.. I did not copy all twenty for my own reason and so you go ahead and find the book. It is a very interesting book with many good points. So yeah, go get the book if you want to know more. Trust me, the details are just as important as an eye-opener. Thanks mira for lending me the book.

1. Rectify your relationship with Allah and Allah will rectify your relationship with others

2. To obey your husband in Al-maruf itself is a good deed

3. Your feminine nature is from your greatest weapons

4. Purity and orderliness testament of your lofty characteristics

5. If mistakes or disagreements occur between you and your husband then submerge them in the ocean of love

6. Part of loving your husband is to love those whom he loves

7. Marital life is not communal life

8. To pardon your husband is a noble quality and recognizing your mistake is virtue

9. Do you know his right over you and your rights over him?

10. Be one who advises, not one who criticizes

11. Jealousy can be an evil Disposition

12. Patience is the key to relief

13. Supplication is the weapon of the believer

14. Everyday be a new wife

15. The quickest way to man’s heart : Through his eyes and his ears

16. How do you behave when he is angry

17. Marital discord itself is not a shortcoming but the way you address it is

Respect yourself!

Note to myself:

I Miss You.

Sincerely,

Me

***

This might sound very depressing. Cheer up a little bit! Smile before we dive deeper.

Don’t get me wrong. I am very grateful for my life right now. I really am. Through these years, I’ve been achieving so many and blessed with so much. If I could turn back time, I would probably take the same exact path.

I am very happy that I did make progress in my life. Sometimes, I do ask myself. Do I really deserve all these? The answer is an absolute NO. Things I get, Thing I have, Things I experience are all things from God the Almighty.

That is why I think, I need to take a step back and look myself clearly in the mirror, ask that person in the reflection how did I went through the times when I don’t see the light. I must thank God.

Despite the hardships I thought I went through, I see myself in a better place, a better position than the old me. Alhamdulillah. I did acknowledge there are people who get jealous of what I have. Although I think they really should not be jealous, I know it is the nature of we as humans.

I am almost certain, with Allah’s will, I will never forget this moment in this years. Priceless. Some of my dreams really come true. But by time, I fell something. I lose something. Something I would call Self-respect.

Ever heard the quote:

“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you and make you happy.” - Robert Tew

?

Yes, I think I just lose that.

I remember being who I am and do what I want without trying to please anyone else but me and God. I just do what’s good according to His standard and try improving myself from time to time. I was polite and kind because I know I must. I don’t care if people understand the struggle.

My aim was to be better every day. Of course, along the way, with kindness, you will earn love especially when you do not expect as the return of your good deeds.

But today, I think I have just lost that. I am in the time where I have people who love me and I love them. But you know what they said about love, Love can make you blind.

Who does not want love in life? Love can make you feel a life and make you days more meaningful. But for me, the thing gets disappointing when you start to love people so much.  You do not realize that until you suddenly caught yourself in a situation you miss yourself.

I definitely love my friends, I love my family, I love the people in my life. I appreciate their existence and could not imagine myself without them. Words can’t describe my love to them but hey, I am losing my self-respect.

I feel like I need to say yes to every request they make. I feel like I need to make myself always available for them even though I know I should spend more time with God. I understand that love demands sacrifice but I think I need Allah more.

I disappoint people a lot with my behavior and I don’t know how to apologize. Yes, they are there when I have issues but I feel like I hurt myself more every time I hurt them. I hate myself too much everytime I frustrate them.

I lose control over myself. What am I now? A puppet? I have no one to blame in this case. I blame me. They did no mistake or wrong. It was me who lets their words and behaviors affects my feelings too much.

Sincerely. I love the people around me but this love is hurting me too much. I must somehow disappear myself for you people to get back what I always needed.

I am happy with my life, one day I shall die. I need to make sure my life is on track. Love is wonderful. Love is indeed essential. But excessive love will definitely make you regret one day.

I would rather regret now than on the big day.

Traveling to create memories.

In my last post, I did mention about my awesome trip.. So this time, I will touch about travelling, not yet about the place, but let's talk generally about the travel partners if you wanna go in group.

People once said, "travel alone if you want to find yourself. But if you want to create memories, go in group":)

Travelling in group has its own pros and cons. Sometimes, if you have good companies, your trip will be a blast, regardless how bad the place you visit is. Good companies helped you go through ups and downs. When you are weak, you sure have someone else to keep you going.

In group, it can be so much fun and at the same time, it can be extremely stressful. That is why you will need to choose with whom you are going to be travelling with. Choose wisely the people you will spend most of your time with, because once you decide, there is no turning back. I purposely put the words to make it terrifying. Because it was to me. Me being an introvert, I do have limit to myself which after every while, I need a space for myself to think and to reflect in things. I need time to talk to myself. But when I decide to travel in group, it is almost constantly, I need to be with people. When you are so close with someone, you will probably find the smallest thing in their habit could annoy you. And for sure, there are littles things about you annoy others as well. Those are common things when travelling, especially when you started to discover things you never knew. The key is, when you get irritated, remember, someone else must be hating you right now, too! So, do not blame. It is all small stuff anyway. Do not waste too much energy in that, just enjoy your trip.

Besides, make sure you know how to communicate, because this can be the biggest problem and cause so much tension. Whether you’re on a trip with your best friend or a new friend this is important. You just need to tell to everyone at the beginning and if possible, repeat occasionally, that if anything at all is bothering anyone on the trip, just be open and speak out. I really learned a lot from this. It is not that I was uncomfortable during this trip but it is just as a normal human being, everyone just has their own opinion and way at doing things. So, when there is clash, it can be very bothering. So, learn how to communicate things out!

Speaking about communication, keep in mind that your friends aren’t mind readers. For that reason, you yourself need to know what make you behave in such ways. If you are grumpy, you need to know why, then let them know. Some people will be in their worst mood if they are hungry. Some will be when they are tired and some will be when they disagree with somethings. Speak your mind. Yes you will always hope someone could be very understanding enough to read your feelings but sometimes things  aren’t the way we wanted it to be. So, be considerate. Everyone is tired, you might be exhausted but if you do not speak up, they might not take a break.

Also, regarding that, if someone demand for something when you are in a rush, do not be mad. Yes, you might have something on your mind to achieve in your time frame. Especially they are your travelling partner, consider them as people with feelings too. You might think you are the most responsible people on your small group but when travelling, it is not being right as the primary purpose.  It is to make sure everyone is happy and enjoy the trip. As long as it will not cost you a whole lot, consider their request for a break even although you know we need to be there in 5 minutes. Because it is not your trip alone, it is their trip as well. Not to forget, ask yourself,: does everyone want to do all the same things. Travelling as you know has so many purpose and interest. So, you can not force everyone do everything you want to do. Remember, it is okay if we don’t do everything together, but if it is a group activity, make sure everyone will be enjoying it.

Even though I have made travelling in group seem so difficult, trust me there are a lot of wonderful things you will discover in group. When travelling, you get the opportunity to meet different people from different places. Travelling and interacting with a variety of people can help build or improve social skills with very little effort. Not only does travelling improve communication skills, it can actually boost self-confidence, since ideas and opinions are able to be more clearly expressed, shared and understood. So, go ahead and explore the world with fantastic people, trust me your character might change, hopefully positively.

Till then,

God bless :)