Respect yourself!

Note to myself:

I Miss You.

Sincerely,

Me

***

This might sound very depressing. Cheer up a little bit! Smile before we dive deeper.

Don’t get me wrong. I am very grateful for my life right now. I really am. Through these years, I’ve been achieving so many and blessed with so much. If I could turn back time, I would probably take the same exact path.

I am very happy that I did make progress in my life. Sometimes, I do ask myself. Do I really deserve all these? The answer is an absolute NO. Things I get, Thing I have, Things I experience are all things from God the Almighty.

That is why I think, I need to take a step back and look myself clearly in the mirror, ask that person in the reflection how did I went through the times when I don’t see the light. I must thank God.

Despite the hardships I thought I went through, I see myself in a better place, a better position than the old me. Alhamdulillah. I did acknowledge there are people who get jealous of what I have. Although I think they really should not be jealous, I know it is the nature of we as humans.

I am almost certain, with Allah’s will, I will never forget this moment in this years. Priceless. Some of my dreams really come true. But by time, I fell something. I lose something. Something I would call Self-respect.

Ever heard the quote:

“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you and make you happy.” - Robert Tew

?

Yes, I think I just lose that.

I remember being who I am and do what I want without trying to please anyone else but me and God. I just do what’s good according to His standard and try improving myself from time to time. I was polite and kind because I know I must. I don’t care if people understand the struggle.

My aim was to be better every day. Of course, along the way, with kindness, you will earn love especially when you do not expect as the return of your good deeds.

But today, I think I have just lost that. I am in the time where I have people who love me and I love them. But you know what they said about love, Love can make you blind.

Who does not want love in life? Love can make you feel a life and make you days more meaningful. But for me, the thing gets disappointing when you start to love people so much.  You do not realize that until you suddenly caught yourself in a situation you miss yourself.

I definitely love my friends, I love my family, I love the people in my life. I appreciate their existence and could not imagine myself without them. Words can’t describe my love to them but hey, I am losing my self-respect.

I feel like I need to say yes to every request they make. I feel like I need to make myself always available for them even though I know I should spend more time with God. I understand that love demands sacrifice but I think I need Allah more.

I disappoint people a lot with my behavior and I don’t know how to apologize. Yes, they are there when I have issues but I feel like I hurt myself more every time I hurt them. I hate myself too much everytime I frustrate them.

I lose control over myself. What am I now? A puppet? I have no one to blame in this case. I blame me. They did no mistake or wrong. It was me who lets their words and behaviors affects my feelings too much.

Sincerely. I love the people around me but this love is hurting me too much. I must somehow disappear myself for you people to get back what I always needed.

I am happy with my life, one day I shall die. I need to make sure my life is on track. Love is wonderful. Love is indeed essential. But excessive love will definitely make you regret one day.

I would rather regret now than on the big day.