when u feel like changing,, just go with it!

at the time when we feel like changing, just do it! becoz that is the time when we were chosen by Allah to become one of His lovers! Stupid if we refuse! what do we actually want in our life if not the blessing of our Creator?? only selected people who are given that opportunity to change..

NO GOOD PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE THEIR PAST AND NO BAD PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE THEIR FUTURE..

just to share how i slowly return to islam..

i am not saying i am better than you but forsure,, alhamdulillah, i am now better from my old me.. 

previously,, i was like normal people who like to hang out with friend without any good deeds i guess.. i like to do stupid this and waste my time..  sitting in front of the television from day to nite and nite to day was a must.. when my mum asked me to do something like helping her in the kitchen,, i hate it!! dont talk about solat.. for sure i always skip them.. i just do it when my my ask me to do so.. if not,, hmmmmppphhhh..

ya,, that's the stupid side of me! i know its stupid!!  but i do it continuously until i attended my high school times. new place, new environment, new people... whoaaahhh~during the first year there,, i was still the old me..until i knew this one guy... he always talk about islam..at first,, i just ignore him.. but while time passes, i got interested to know more and more! from there,, i believe,, islam is something that we ll fall in love with it when we know what islam really is. shifting from loving to hear gossips,, i love to hear knowledge!.

i cant live with out knowing something new about islam that i never knew.. islam is so so so interesting and AMAZING!. day to day,, i got closer to him and learn more!. until this one day,, i made up my mind.. I WANT TO CHANGE.. I WANT TO BE A MUSLIM,, A PRACTICING MUSLIM..  huh,, where do i start? i keep thinking?? but then i realized,, thinking so much wont help! start with a baby step! just do it! anything!.. 

so, what did i start with? i went to surau/prayer room to perform prayer in jamaah.. yes,, its compulsory for us as a boarding school students to perform solat in the surau during fajr, maghrib and isya' . but now i am talking about performing prayer at surau during asar prayer..why asar? because usually,, after performing asar prayer together, there will be some sort of knowledge spreading by someone. as i love knowledge,, i went there... tears went down when i realized that so so so few of people in the surau at the time.. just abaout 6 or 7 guys and just 3 females.while there are about 500 students in the hostel.. starting from that time,, i promise in my ownself to not miss asar prayer in the surau.. then,, i started to go for zuhur prayer as to complete all my five time prayers in surau...Alhamdulillah,, i managed to istiqamah. 

BUT!!!! as usual,, doing good thing is hard..there are people insulting me...dont know y,, but they really love to put me down! BAJET ALIM.. they said... i hate that term.. some people said, i am hypocrite!.. they said the knew me... and asked me to stop acting.. YES! YOU DO KNOW ME.. BUT THAT IS THE OLD ME.. BUT U REALLY DONT KNOW THE NEW ME AND I LOVE MY NEW ME..but,, as expected,, they wont listen..i almost give up!.. but Allah has promised,, who ever make his way to Allah,, Allah is ease his way and sometime,, He really easier our way until we cant think how!..

My friends changes.. i mean,,i was put in a new group of people that i cant remember how i cant enter that group.. they are amazing! they helped me to know Allah better! now,, i am stronger! Alhamdulillah.. however,, as i said previously,,, my friends changed,, the guy i mentioned before, no longer close to me.. yes,, sometimes i felt lost.. but my new friends helped me.. Thanks Allah!.. time dashed.. it was the end of the high school days,, i need to go.. we need to go for our own ways.. i was so afraid that i cant keep doing all the good deeds no more.. i am alone.. looks like what i afraid of previously was true.. i slowly went into the old me! :'( until i was offered to attend for a preparation in a private college. HUH!!! majority there are non muslim people!  just imagine how they behave.. islamic programs?? no way!!!  seriously,, i almost give up!. i am totally lost.. i just with with old school mates.. but ALHAMDULILLAH,, Allah still loves me,, again,, He puts me in a group of people that almost feeling the same how i feels at the time.. i started to step into Surau again.. ya,, i know,, people said,, women are better to perform prayer at home.. but i know who i am!.. i cant focus in worshiping Allah if i am at my room. i dont care what people thinks.. i know myself i believe,, Allah too,.,.

day by day,, i realize something,, i am SELFISH!!!! i want to do good things alone... WHY DONT I INVITE PEOPLE TO DO WHAT I DO?? why dont i spread the words of islam?????? WHY??

being a human is not just about worshiping but also leading!! lead people to do good thing and stop doing bad things...

 but how????? what method can i use to spread the word of islam?? the word of truth??

speak infront of people??? that is for sure my greatest WEAKNESS! i just cant! but i must spread the word of islam..so,, how??? yes,, like what i am doing now.. writings... in facebook and in blog.. besides,, i believe,, action speaks louder than words!.. i try to show good attitudes.. not to show off to be copied but anyone... becoz even me myself copying RASULULLAH SALALLHUALAIHIWASSALAM.

I REALLY HOPE IT WORKS! i dont care who really affected by my da awah.. but what i want to know is that i WONT STOP DOING DAAWAH!! i wont!.. insyaAllah i wont.. but i need the help from Allah!! i wont able to do this alone! i promise to keep contributing to the community even in the smallest way..

the most scariest thing for me is SHOWING OFF!! i really hope i niat wont change!.. because at the time when people feel the are doing no sin,, they are actually doing the worst sin ever! i hope i will stay humble and always know my position as the creation of the MOST POWERFUL CREATOR!