Thoughts on my 19th birthday.

April 20,2013..

Today is my birthday..
I am now 19.. 19 years i had gone through this life..
I know, its a small number to talk about life.. But its not the number for me.. it's about the experiences.. I dont know about others but for me, i think i ve experienced so many unexpected things in my life..

No one know How's my journey.. Only me and my Creator knows. It's tough.. For me, a very weak person.. But to look back to my previous times, amazing it really was.. I never have any idea on how i can go through all these. If anyone ever ask me how, my only answer is the Power of Allah.

From a problem to another problem, its not a small one for me.. i used to give up.. Too tired of going through difficulties. I used to think, to stop living is the best option becoz i thought, its really impossible for me to solve these.. I m thinking to quit.

Day by day passed.. I am still living? I have no idea on why am i still here in this world?
I am supposed to end my last breath.. But it was going the other way.

As i am too weak to rebel, i just follow what He had planned for me. Until this one day, i cant stop thinking of my purpose of life.. Every morning, i wake up and just follow the flow.. Is that what want to do everyday? No different from a robot nor an animal.. I was created as human and a muslim.. If everything happens for reason, what s the reason for that?

I started to search for that.. To tired of being the slave of problems, now i need to find my self.. And i found islam! And that is the only reason for me to stop crying.. Islam is the only reason for me to keep standing even my knees are too weak.

I started to found friends who always giving the reminders on the ayah of Allah.. I am so happy to be with them.. When i m struggling with my peoblem, i ll try to find them becoz i know they ll give me motivations, i am sure, they ll tell me why Allah tested me.. They ll tell me why i need to sabar..

I am happy.. i stopped putting life in a problem.. Indeed, i am still crying.. But atleast i dont think of ending my life.. Until one day, when i have problem, i went to my beloved friends, and suddenly they ignored me and started to blame me for something.. No more motivations from them.. But they broke my heart instead... I just cant stop my tears any more! i feel like no one in this world can accept me..

I cant see light.. How could them!! Until one day i cried n cried n suddenly i fell asleep, after waking up, realize i was late to perform asr prayer.. i took wudoo n prayed. I felt so calm! 5 minutes praying makes me feel the tranquil in my soul.. I sat down on the prayer mat.. N took quran to read.. While reading, i wonder whats the meaning.. I believe.. There is a message that Allah want me to understand.

I took the translated version of quran n read.. Drops of tears rolling down.. Most ayah telling me not to attach my heart to anything else but Allah. Allah is the only place to cry to..

A deep thought came to my mind..
"Dont you think its time to change yourself into a better person? Dont you thing its time to spend more time with your own Creator?'

One side of my heart answered, Lord,i had enough of wasting my life with stupid things.. Its time for me to find your love!

From that onward, my principe is only one..

La ilaha ila llah.. Muhammadarrasulillah.

I ll try to do any thing as long as wont invite the anger if my Creator.

I hope from this day on,, i ll keep on repairing my imaan.. Trying to please of Allah.. I had my list of missions. I ll make sure my life is no longer a waste. I want to contribute something big to muslim society! I dont want to regret in the hereafter.. i want it when Allah ask me,

" what have u done during your young age?"

I want to answer,,

'I spend my time to find your love.. I spend my time to raise islam! Ya Allah !.'