Mistakes are essential.

Life is not about are we gonna do or not gonna do or mistake.
The mistakes are guaranteed!
We will make mistakes. Definately.

Life is about how do we deal with mistakes. A believer wont do a mistake twice. What is this supposed to mean? Meaning, when we make mistake, learn lesson! Repent and make sure that we will never repeat.

Every son of Adam sins. But the best among them is the one who repent after they sin.

I would like to share my personal life story here. I thought times before i decide to write it here.

This week, we celebrate eidil adha. So, we have a few dinners.. There is one eid dinner that we planned to make it happen at a friend's house. As it is an eid dinner, for sure we are having the dinner with Muslims. However, that dinner happens to be the other way than what have i aspected.

We arrived at the house and realize that the owner was not there, but his housemate was there.. However, he is a not-yet-Muslim.and came something in my head.. he invited us in. We stepped in. there were only 4 of us(female) and about 6 guys.. Creepy ofcourse! Entering the house, sit onthe sofa, chit chat a while and prepare to solah(prayer). We girls decided to perform separately from the guys so, we went up stairs, enter a room, suddenly we saw bottles of ,i dont know, but pretty sure those were wine! And we are about to perform solah in that room! I just cant believe it that i m there! Astaghfirullah.

Done with prayer, we went down and continue with the main Agenda.. Eat! Dinner time.. However, one of us decided to leave for some reason n now only 3 girls left. Huh.. Still shock with the bottle in that room and someone make a 'joke' by asking if any of te food is pork! -_- . Any idea? Ofcouse i got another shock! Alhamdulillah that it was only a joke. By the way, the owner of the house finally came.

Then we sat in the hall to have our dishes. And they suddenly decide to pick a movie, again this is an eid dinner and i have no idea why were they picking up a movie! Plus, the movie they picked was a movie that supposely not to be watched by a Muslim but now we are watching it together!!!!! Is this for real? I was about to voice out but unfortunately everyone seems like enjoying the movie! Again, why am i there?! Trying to think again.

So, i lay my back at the sofa and start to have negative thoughts and i started to regret that why am i not taking a good care of my ownself. We went to a guy's place without knowing who he really is.. That was the mistake..

Things getting worse when the adzan for isyak was stared to be heard but no one cares! They were still focusing to the movie without trying to pause or lower the audio! My bad to for not having the courage to voice it out! And guess what, they were still Watching it and no one cares to pray! I cant stand any longer! I wanted to leave! I m not belong there. More test was that we went to the house by riding someone, so we cant go back until that guy decide to leave. And now we Dont know how to tell him that we wanted to leave! So we stay! Huh.. Ofcourse we were sitting so uncomfortably waiting for them! After 2 hours only finally we successfully get out from that house!

Whoooohhhh.... Alhamdulillah! Really learned my lesson! and as we arrive home, i have no one to talk to. I dont know where can i share what i feel at the moment and i quickly took my wudhu and perform isya solah. Seriously, i was crying in the solah.. So many regression. then i took my bestfriend with me. The quran.

I continue at where i marked the page. I was reading surah Muhammad. I have no idea on what am i reading as i dont really understand Arabic but my tears were keep rolling down.. Then i read the translation.. I cried even harder. Go open the quran yourself and read what's written there. Especially from the verse 31 to the end.

I can feel how Allah is actually talking to me.. Subhanallah.
And on the very next day, i spent my day to watch Islamic lectures on you tube.. Really.. I know that i am doing my purification of heart. Tazkiyatun nafs. I listen about friend, about being different from the musyrikin and someother things.. Now i know where am i and i know what do i need to do!

I need to be firm! I have my own believe and want others to respect my deen. I dont care if people or even my bestfriend want to say anything or hate me for what am i doing to my deen.. I dont want to fit in myself into what s wrong.. Even if people is hating me, who cares? I am only Trying to please my own creator. Let them say that i am boring or different! Yes! I am trying to distinct myself from what s wrong.. Who cares if they think i m extreme, who cares! Allah is sufficient for me.. I rather losing my friend than losing Allah.. I am not here to sacrifice my believe for you but have no problem to sacrifice you for the sake of Allah.

And also, why should we change just because we want to enter the community? If we do, then, why are we asking the not-yet-muslims to be Muslim when we are actually trying to be like them? Think!

I love you, dear friend. But if this is how you behave, i am not afraid to lose you. Because i love Allah more.. If a friend to you is the one who will do everything with you, support you anyway, make you too smile all time, sorry i m not a good friend for you and i dont think of being like one.

I try to care, comfort and protecr you.. But when you are wrong, i ll say directly so we can get better. You too.. Just tell me if i m wrong.. I need that advice so desperately. Seriously.. but please just tell me what i should change according to Allah and not to you.. I mean.. If i am doing something that you dislike but you know Allah is having no problem with it, seriously, i am not interested to hear that.. But if you know Allah will get angry with me if i m continuing such things. Let me know!

Jazakumullahukhoir.