Ramadhan: My Specific Goals.

In the Qur'an, Allah says:  

"When My servants ask about Me, I am indeed close to them.  I listen to the prayer of every supplicant, when he calls on Me.  Let them also, with a will, listen to My call, and believe in Me, so that they may walk in the right way" (Qur'an 2:186).

Ramadhan is coming, InsyaAllah.. This time, I really want to give my best. I really hope I can go through till the end of the month with much much good deeds. I realize enough how many sins that I had committed through out the year. Ramadhan is the time, to catch up my good deed so I can exceed over throw my bad's Ramadhan is the fast track. One good deed in this blessed month will be rewarded with 10 goodness. How awesome is that? That is the bonus in this month because it is so special. The offer of the 10 rewards applied to all good deed EXCEPT fasting because the reward of fasting is by Allah. He evaluates the quality of it. 

Imagine if I do 5 good deeds per day in this month, I will get 50 rewards! 50 rewards x 30 days = 1500 rewards per month! Awesome. I can't miss this chance. But honestly, I believe that 1500 reward per month is not enough to cover my sins!. I need more! more! so, what else do I need to do besides trying my best to gain the rewards to the fullest?! Come on, gang, let's rock this Ramadhan insyaAllah!. 

Ramadhan is the month when the Quran was revealed. Therefore, one of my important target is to make sure I establish a very great relationship with it! I want to start and finish the Quran through out this holy month, BUT NOT WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING ITS MESSAGE. Despite what everyone says about trying to read the Arabic as much as possible, I want to focus more on understanding it. I am learning a little bit of Arabic from a YouTube channel as my effort to understand directly from the original text but obviously I am still the beginner. To cover that, I want to read the Quran translation from cover to cover. What a shame if I can read other book and explain it to people about its content, its concept an even its synopsis with its flow but I can't to do same to the Quran? This is the month. I want to know what is there in the Quran. Reading not just its Arabic but also its meaning, from cover to cover.

May Allah help me and grant me strength and may He please. Allahumma Amin.

This month of training with all the shayateen chained, I want to take this chance to change some of my bad attitudes and behaviors. It had been almost a year that I said to myself " I want to change" but because of how weak I was and I am, I kept on falling to the devil's trap and tricks. Ramadhan will be my turning point, InsyaAllah. If I don't make it in this month, truly I have no hope! Seriously, I don't want to lose because this month, I don't have to fight with the shaytan, I just need to fight with my own desire. If I truly cant do this, really I am a loser ( audzhoobillah ) 

What I really want to give up starting this Ramadhan is the feeling of anger. If you knew me, you know how bad tempered I was and still am. I tried to manage my anger in the very best way. Alhamdulillah, I actually see the improvements. From getting angry and smash everyone right away, I learned to hold my temper and try to talk less words when I am burning. Latter, I tried to stay silent with no words when nerve starts standing. Seriously this really helped me from hurting people with my tongue to say something I had never wanted to say. But still, it is not enough. People can see my face expression. Indeed, something I intentionally show my anger on my face as the sign that I am not comfortable with what was going on instead on using my tongue. Unfortunately, my silent often misinterpreted. I am still struggling. 

Obviously people will not understand my struggle but Allah do. I often get upset when people don't understand my hardship dealing with my anger to not hurting them. So, that is what I want to change. 

I don't want the upset feelings. If possible, I just don't want the anger coming at the first place.  It is hard. But I really need that. I want to be someone who don't need anybody else to understand be because I know Allah is sufficient for me. My reward is with Allah. The harder the struggle, the greater the reward, Right? :) All I need is faith in my self to change or at least faith in Allah to help me changing myself into a better person, for Him. Amin. I want to be a patient person. Stop getting upset with those small matters because I have greater things to look beyond. When people mess up with me, it is their problem and let them deal with it, in the day of judgment. I don't want to make their problems, mine.

Not to forget, I want to be able to change myself into a person with no negative thoughts and revenge. The happiest person on earth is the one who can keep his heart free from envy, negative feeling about others and revenge. I want to be one. I remember the quote saying, ' hating some one is like drinking the poison and hoping the other person to die'. How foolish is that. Life is short. I don't want to compare my self with other/s blessings. Everyone has his own sustenance written for them. Why should I compare with someone 'above' me. All I need to do is to see the people below me and praise Allah for All the blessings. And also, use the blessing to help them, for Allah. That way is obviously much much more better for me. No hatred, no jealousy, no envy, not ungrateful, and be happy! Amiin. 

That is not all. I want to stop talking useless things. Alhamdulillah I did improve on that from time to time but for some reasons, I am on my way to start it again. No. no it can't be. I need to not let it happen. I am a muslim. I don't back bite and I don't listen to backbites but I will stop it. I don't complain stupid things and I don;t tolerate people complaining stupid things to me for mo reason. I have my problems, serious problems, that I need to focus on and locating my time to those useless talks won't help. I am a Muslim and I don't waste my time!

Back to the Quranic verse on the top, I need to make lots and lots of dua to be able to accomplish my mission this Ramadhan. These are just some of it ( because I am tired of typing :P). But these are the important ones. My previous post about Ramadhan also include things that I want to do in Ramadhan. InsyaAllah. All I need is to purify my intention from  time to time and ask Allah fro help. Because it is only He who has the power to make this happen. I seek forgiveness from Him from all my sin and wrongdoing and I seek help only from Him to be a better servant for Him. 

May He forgive us all for indeed, He is the most forgiving and the most merciful.

May He Accept our good deeds and give us rahma that make us to be one of the chose one to enter Jannah and May He put us away from the Hellfire. Allahuma sami' ud du'a . Allahumma Amiin.