You could not imagine the feeling being loved by people while you are actually know that you do not deserve that much love.
Helping as a volunteer to help out kids to learn Arabic at the masjid sounds so good. Most people will look high on you when you say you are doing such noble work. Unfortunately, you know yourself is you are sincere in doing that. Most importantly, God knows.
Imagine you are carrying a briefcase and you put some stuffs in it but not money, you carry around the back as if it really contains money. You wear a suit complete with a tie. People will look at you and wish they could be at your place. People praise you as if you are a very hardworking person who deserve those 'money' in your briefcase. The respect and power that you have now, people will keep thinking what they are now thinking.
But you know the truth. You know you are not a wealthy man, you do
not deserve such respect and praises. Even if you act like you actually deserve it. Your heart won't accept those praises. Your heart will remain unease.
What I am saying actually is, yes, I go to the masjid like every week. I will try not to miss my Jumaah prayer, I dress very modestly, I help out for the Islamic school. But that does not a prove that I am a noble girl. Most people at the masjid look up at us. They invited to their house to have dinner and everything. They said that is the way they want to appreciate our value and help. Oh Allah. You know what is in our hearts,
How much some times I do feel lazy to go or maybe nor sincere in doing something.
When I help the kind, as a normal young adult, I tend to get angry to some just because I think they should focus in class. Sometimes, I do whine about the kids to my friend and I think I could not handle them. But those behind the scenes are not realized by people. That makes they thought we are the best Muslims the have ever seen.
I wish to. But I am not, yet.
Oh Allah, it is be cause of you I get all these. It is because of you, covering all my sins that people thought I am a nice girl. It is because you did not show them all those mistakes I did in my private life that they forget that I am too, not perfect. All these honor is from you and I definitely need to make sure to control myself.
Indeed You know while they know not.
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