Parenting tips

In suratul yusuf, 

When yusuf was disturbed about the dream, he didn't share it with his friends but he directly went to his father, yakub. This will not be the case if Yusuf didn't think of his father as approachable and place to share.

- so parent should be able to be the place where children fell comfortable to share anything,

But how do we get that kind of trust?

- Always hug and kiss your kids. This is to give the warm feeling of protecting them.

- Try not to instruct them. Engage them instead.

- Avoid dragging them or force them to do something. Give sometime  for them to make their decision and to be prepared and get moving.

- Set a rule, make it the tradition. Once they pass the boundary, try to talk and discuss with them.

- Tell and explain to them why we set the rule. Although it is not in the Quran, tell them why we decide to make them do.

- tell them what your feeling is. Not show them. If you are disappointed, tell them. Not show your disappointment so that they didn't get offended.

- always try to link our children with Allah

-Find a right time to discuss about it.

-Don't scold them in public 

-.Make special du'a, so Allah make it easy for you to talk with your children. 

- Watch out for your body language. Sometimes you can be using nice world but yiur facial interaction can be telling another different thing.

- find a happy moment together. Sit down and spend time with them. Do what they do.

- don't embarrass them in front of their or your friends

- teach them to do something you can teach instead of putting them in a class to learn. Be patient and supportive about that. Do not condemn any of their mistakes. They would greatly appreciate your effort and commitment

- praise them! Even in the times they didn't expect to be praised. Try yo make their day.

- focus on the bright side. Focus on the As. Not Bs. Tell them you are proud of them. Then when they gets happy, start to ask about their challenges and how you can do to help. 

Our children are our responsibilities 

Our children will be our investment

So we need to understand the importance of education

Learn! Be knowledgable. Especially about parenting based on the Quran and Assunah

Reflection- do self- search about what we need to change and improve. 59:18

Find a role model. And be that wise person

Search- within ourselves of our action

Evaluate- our actions 

Acknowledge what we did right, what we have done wrong

Reinforce positive parental behavior

Change the wrong behavior

Hang on- don't give up right away

Indicate clearly to the child  his/ her mistake 

Educate the about what's right and what's wrong

Understand them! This is vitally important so we could treat the at our best for their best

Understand that they need two things:

1) The need to belong

2) The need for attention

Practice sharp observation! Understand their behavior, sense what is not right? Jealousy? Lack of love?

Reaction to obstacle-- try to be an active listener to them. Let them share how they feel. Spend time on this. This is very important. Help them to go through life!

All in all,

- Leading by example! 

- Use mercy, kindness and gentleness- 21:107

- Teach them respect (17: 23-24)

- Do things step by step and consider the level of the child.

- Communicate clearly and effectively

1) start with a question.

2) 3 times is more than enough

- Allow children to express their feelings and share their happiness and pain

- Never say: this is not a problem, you are a big boy now.

- Teach that good deeds erase bad ones

- help the child to be capable and develop skills

Last but not least, say more yes and less no :)

Wallahualam