I am 20 and i am dying

I am 20 and my death is getting near!

Not many people like to talk about death but no one can get away from it. No one can argue the statement "every single soul shall taste death"

Now that i just reached my 20th year of living in this earth, but it is sad to see what had i done in my life. My achievements aren't that impressing. If i were to die just later, i have to admit, i am not satisfied with my life yet and will never till i receive my book of deeds by my right hand. That it is the most terrifying moment. I cant imagine standing on the day of judgment waiting for my result. I really hope to go to Jannah. No option. I must get to paradise! Jannatul Ferdous.

But how? Do i really qualified to get to best place that no one on earth could imagine how beautiful it is? Do i really deserve to be there?

My, analyze yourself! You know exactly the answer! If you are still in your current state, dont even think of imagining yourself in it! Even the smell of it, not for you!

I am currently in the united states. What is the significant for me of being here? Have I brought anything here? If were to die now, do I think that anyone would miss you? Why must them right? I am nobody! I am here or not, does not even give them any different! If no one on earth think that I am important, what makes me think those in the heaven need to give me the best place?

Right.

I need to do something because i obviously can't do everything! Okay now, what do i want to do?

I want to make sure myself have the best connection with Allah. Because He is the only who can guarantee my safety in the hereafter, i need to make sure He wants to choose me to be one of those He please. How?
My obligation toward Him must be great. I mean, i know i can't promise that i can give Him an undivided attention while performing worship or while doing any good deeds. But i can make sure and i must make sure that i, at least, do it out of my responsibility.

I know to some people, sincerity is number one. I know and no doubt, but to me, if that is number one and i need to wait till that so called 'sincerity' to enter my heart, i will definitely missed most of them! Thus, I believe, the very first step it to DO! Later insyaAllah we ll get the khusyoo'. Try to focus just for Allah.
I am sure that if i can make sure my obligatory responsibility is stable, i believe, day to day, i will develop the love. And when i love Him, He will love who ever loves Him. That was His Promise.

Okay, what about my contribution toward others? The best human being is those who benefit others the most, right? As i am here, in America, what can I contribute to this community, being me as a student? I am a muslim, and knowing the fact that America and Muslim are two words that can actually explains the condition here, i know exactly what to do. Most people in this nation can be said, ignorant about the religion of Islam. Being a muslim, it is my job to at least try to educate and explain to them about this full-of-misconception religion.

Here is what i am planning to do:
I want to make sure that no one that ever meet dare to say 'i have known a muslim, she is no different and yes muslims are bad'. That, will never happen! I need to make sure that! How? My character need to be the best among anyone else! How? Follow just how the best human being ever walk on earth, Muhammad (peace be upon him), walked on earth. How to follow him? How to know what he did, while never in my life ever met him once?
Learn from the Quran. Because he, was the man of the Quran. Indeed, i won't be able to be as noble as he was, but i must at least have the attempt to follow his footsteps.
That is forsure, what i must do now! Beautify my character. My attitude should tell them what actually Islam is.

Second, i want to make sure that i am brave enough to tell them what islam actually is. They deserve to know. It is my job to tell them what they see in Media is not at all the real islam. The crisis that is happening in Syria is not because the muslims are practicing islam that teaches them terrorism and violence but because there are a group of people who call themselves Muslim, but not at all obeying the law in Islam, the peaceful religion. People needs the explanation very badly, i am so not going to let the anti-islam media to explain the situation. Public need to know the truth, from a truthful muslim who know exactly what the real story is. Therefore, i need to make sure myself to get the authentic information about what is going on. Ignorance should no longer be in me.

Third, i need to do charity! Charity isn't just about giving money. It is also about giving smile, lending hand, spending time and do any community service. That is what Islam teaches. To something towards the society. Use your ability to contribute in any ways and any means, for the sake of Allah. Just do good because Allah ask us to. Please don't have any hope that people will pay back. I will never satisfy if i do that. Do good, disregard to whom. Whether it us your friend, family, stranger or even those who hates you. You know Allah will reward you even the smallest deeds. Do it, till you die.
No such thing called ' i am tired of doing good', Until the gate of Jannah is opened for you. Don't stop.

BECAUSE I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT I DONT DIE IN THE STATE OF SINNING. KEEP ON DOING GOOD AND KEEP ON ASKING HELP FROM ALLAH TO BE STRONG AND KEEP ON REPENTING TO ALLAH BECAUSE I AM NOT PERFECT

InsyaAllah. Barakallah.