I think, The hardest struggle in my life is to be bold. To not care about what people will feel about me.
I don't like to lose someone i love.
Sometimes, i really do, i got tired in life. Tired of behaving how i want people to look at me like.
Sometimes i wonder, why is this life so full of choices that i need to make.?
But i think, the real problem is when i do not even want to make a sacrife.i really don't know which ones to give up.
I guess, one thing that i have struggled the most is to get someone to take my words seriously. I really do not understand why people is hard to listen to me. Things are getting worse now. I really am stressed out. None would want to listen to me. It is so hard for me.
I wish i had a friend who want to listen to me. Who wants to listen to my problems. What i struggle he most. I do have friends around me, but i am lack of people who are willing to spend their time to listen to my problems. Ironically, we can spend time doing crazy stuff but it does not inviting for me to share my problem. How so?
When i started to begin my stories, suddenly i realize, no one is actually interested in listening to me. I really miss my old friends. I remember during my downs, after organizing Islamic Celebration Week, I was so down that i feel like giving up. I tried to tell want happen to my close friends but it turned we actually talk bad about people. That is totally not what i want.
I really want motivational words. Words of encouragement. I really don't want anyone to hate each other, but it turned out that way. I feel guilty. At the same time, my problem have not solved. I am my lowest spirit. I dont feel like speaking to anyone, i think no one would listen to me, no one would care about me. I existance was a mistake.
Until one day, i just saw someone i miss, whom i had not spend enough time with her, came to me, tell me what i really needed! I have not even tell her that i actually have a problem. Her words were just so amazing. She said, 'i have no doubt in you since the beginning'.
That was actually what i needed, a confidence. Losing self-confidence is the worst! I barely keep my legs to support my body. I was so weak at the time, but i thought, no one care, but that was a mistake. Allah is listening to me.
He then send his servant to give me the strength. Thank you Allah.
Allah, forgive me when i whine!
Dear Myzatil,
ReplyDeleteThis might not be the right place for me to say this but I miss you. Always feel like calling you but at the end I ended up not calling. I wanted to call you and still is, to talk to you about my problems. Guess what? I might be a little too selfish here. Never thought you will have a hard time. Even if you have one, I confidently believe that you will overcome it just fine. How thoughtless of me to think that way. And dear, may you find those kind friends that you want, the one who can encourage and motivate you to go forward bravely and confidently. I may not be 'the' friend, but I am sure of one thing. I want you to be my friend. Forever. You are one of the few that I remember being able to talk things straight forward to me and i miss that. There goes bold for you. I miss it because I was told I was wrong (although I may go mad at first before actually appreciating it). Now, although I know I'm wrong, but because people dont say it I keep repeating it like it is okay. Ego-problem. *senyum tak bermaya.
Sorry off topic*senyum kerang busuk. tapi miss you especially your soul.