It is real, indeed

Just in case you actually reading my posts on my blog, you should be aware that I just post an entry about imagining yourself at your own funeral, earlier this month.

It turns out, my good friend Hayley, just passed away and I was at the funeral home standing in front of her death body.

This is actually my first time losing a friend who I just met a few days before her death. I have lost family members, friends, teachers but most of them passed away long after our last meet.

Just a little something about Hayley:

She was a very nice and lovely lady. I know each other since the other friend of mine, Cherylann, introduce us to each other. From there, we were close. I am interested in her stories of life which I thought very challenging. I know she needs someone with her to go through life. I remember sitting with her and while we were talking, I could see tears in her eyes, but she still deny that she was in difficulties.

I wasn’t a very good friend, I see her, only when I see her. But every time we meet, we give each other hugs. She was a hard working girl. Really, she always thinking about her job and how to get money since she wasn’t from a wealthy family. She was majoring in creative writing and she was a talented poet and writer. I still have her writing with me.

She was supposed to be graduating with me this December, but God knows best.

She kept asking about going out together with Cherylann, Mira, Lynn and Me.  But we keep postponing the plan to later and finally all five of us get together, but at her funeral.

…

Her death makes things real. I always think about, what if I care too much about graduation and getting a job yet death knock the door first. This is life. We never know when is our turn to go. We just need to be prepared. Frankly, I fear death. I fear that I die in a state which I don’t what to be.

Being a Muslim, I know I must hope for a good kind of death. Death is not something we should run from, however, it also should not be something we chase after. Death is about time.  God had written when and where we shall die. The focus now is how do we make sure we won’t die with regret.

And that makes me think about some questions in life.

Have I spent enough time with people I love?

Why should I worry about things I should not?

Why is it hard for me to forgive?

What kind of life do I really want to live?

Why should I care so much about what others think of me?

Am I living the present life?

Life gives many options. There is pressure everywhere that make us do things we don’t wanna do. But that is what life is about, right. Life is a test. So, the key is to ask strength from God to make the right decision and the ability to keep standing for what is right,

It is our lives, we decide. Well, Death is real. It is not gonna get further, but it is getting closer each time. Just remember, From God we all from and to Him we shall return.

When someone you always seen walking around campus is no longer there, and you see her dead body in front of you, waiting to be buried, you then realize, it is all real. Death don’t wait.

Innalillahiwainnailaihirajoon.