The price of studying overseas

The term price is often associated with money. However it is actually can be described by more than that.It is a cost, anything we need to sacrifice when we want some other thing in return. It is an opportunity cost.

The most expensive price that , to me, i need to stand is the sacrifice of the valuable time with family. Indeed, most people when they thought about studying overseas, what we think is fun, experience, independent, lucky and intelligent. Those are some sweet words floating in the mind when we talk about studying abroad, far from family.

But trust me, life is balanced. when you have the happiness, you will have to bare some sadness too. I am not too proud to study abroad but not also to regret it anyway.I am happy to have this opportunity but obviously, although most are my friends and relatives are jealous with where I am, I am too, jealous with where they are.

This is not a complaint. This is a reflection. I am not unhappy with what I need to sacrifice but this feeling makes me think and learn to be grateful. There are not many people would talk about this when they need to share their experience about studying in other country.I don't know about what they feel, but this is what I always feel.

Alhamdulillah, I have the opportunity experiencing different culture, different weather, different places, different time zone, different people and many more but note that i loss the time that I could have spend with my family.

I miss the time to be with my family. I need to sacrifice the real presence to make them happy. To make them laugh, to help them washes the dish, cook for them, clean the house for them, take care of my cats, eat with them, shopping, drive them to anywhere, I am not there for them when they need any help for a healthy young lady. I am not available for them when they need someone strong to do tough work. They are old already but they need to do everything by themselves in that late age, As if, I was never exist. I believe when they  raised me up, they hope that the cute little baby would grow up as a good kid and the a great human being. This little daughter was hoped to bring happiness in their-lives. This kid, will be the coolness of their eyes, they wish.

But when I grow up, a little older, I leave them. I went to a boarding school, for five years.Indeed, I did went back once in two or three months but of course, as a teenager at the time, our relationship aren't so strong. i have wasted times doing my business while letting them doing theirs. Allah, forgive me!.

Then, after high school, not even two months spending time at home, I entered a college, stayed in a hostel. time burned. After foundation, I was busy with my so-called important things arranging my journey to the US. Yes, I did spend sometime but of course not that much.

Now that I am here. almost a year. One year loss of time to serve them. I sacrificed one year till now, here 'enjoying' my self alone, without them. I was happy when my first time experience snow, I celebrated it myself, playing very happily forgetting about them. I sent them just pictures, but what can pictures do, they can't even feel the cold of it,can't even touch it to know how fluffy it is. What is the difference between me sending those pictures with what they seen on TV? While i am so happy, they can just observe. They get nothing, yet they make doa for me so I am always blessed with more happiness. wow.

I am the one who are happy. I am the one who get those experience. And they are the one who sacrificed a lot, Yet, i can't even have that love to make some sincere doa for them so Allah may bless them. I hardly find time  to really engage in my doa with the actual hope so that Allah love them like how they always love me! SELFISH ME! If they were too, being selfish, they would only make doa for themselves. the faced hardships and bugger problems more that I do, and I would be no one and nowhere without their doa. They can always forget me and just ask help from Allah only for themselves. But that is not what happen. They still and keep make doa for their ungrateful daughter who only-Allah-knows when do she make doa for them too, if any. Allah, Bless them, please!

This is the price in need to pay. sacrificing the joy with them, time with them, the chance to serve them and make them please and happy. I do not know till when, theywould be here. wallahu 'alam. but just in case oneday, I get thenews about their death, I am not sure if I cant bare it. I believe i have not make them happy. I would regret for choosing to sacrifice the time, but Allah knows best. but also, if I am the one who need to go first, That is even worse. For at least, if they go first i will still have the opportunity to serve them by doing a lots of good deeds that will benefit them in the here after, make doa for them so they will forbidden from the punishment in the grave and the hell fire.. But conversely, If I need to go first, what I have is what I have. What I already did is what I already did. I can't add more goodness. They were raising a kid, but that kid does not even know how to value them during her life. Their investment in this kid is worthless. they get nothing. Allah, Make me a good child! make me meet my parents, family, teachers, and friends, in the paradise, Jannatul Ferdous.Allahumma Amiin

Allah,
Guide me to make my parents happy, my family happy, everyone who have me, happy.
Amiin

If, one day, you are reading this, but I am longer in this world, please, firstly,make doa for me. I will need that very badly.And please, make doa for my parents,and my family
and tell them, I love them so much and I ask them for forgiveness for taking them for granted.
They are Mahanum Husin and Shaharom Nizam Abd. Manap. From Malaysia.

May Allah bless all parents in the world and grant them patience dealing with their children at this era.