why some people have two split persobnality??

perhaps i dont have the exact answer... but i do have my own opinion..surely based on my own life experience..

where to start? okay,, bismillahirahmanirrahim.

people said, character cant be developed in quiet and ease..

in hard n difficult situation only the strength improved, the soul enlighten and the inspiration built.

however, great people will always smile even in stressful situation..huh,, dear me,, stop fooling around..

back to my story.. ouh ya,, my story haven' t started yet..

if you ask my close friends, they might decribe me as a cheerful, wise, good motivator, disciplined, and talkative girl..ya.. garrulous...  

but when be asked to my family, they might describe me as an emotional, sensitive, childish n weak girl..

both desciption were contradict. but to me both were right..

if ask straight or direct to myself, i ll describe my self as wise,good motivator,disciplined,and sensitive.. i ll reject the words of cheerful,talkative, emotional, and weak.. as am not!

how come i have 2 split personality??
everyone knows, we are where we are.. if i m in a good surrounding, i ll act good and otherwise.. 

okay let me reveal who am i n why do i act like that at HOME.
as i ve told before, i m a  emotional, sensitive, childish n weak girl..

at home, i am surrounded in a depressing family,, i usd to be condemn when i make mistakes. if i have any problem, no one would like to lend their ears to me.. seriously.. i swear,, i dont lie at all.. my brother  with his own hobby.. my mum in her own world , my dad with his works n problems n my little sister with her stories,..

when i be at home,, i m the moderator in the house.. some times, mum scold my brother as he is quite rude. some times, mum n dad fight againts each other, some time my sister  had a fight with my brother.. n always, i m not in a good condition with all of them!. i m sorry to say this.. but this is the fact! what to do??  everytrhing i do,, i ll always get ther critics, condemn, scold n what should ever..i dont mind if i do really wrong but i cant accept when they keep scolding me even i do nothing wrong.. just imagine if i want to ask about something, ther use their high tone n ask me to use my brain.! n if try to use mu brain n not asking anything b4 doing something,, again they ll ask me, why dont i ask before doing it? now the things went wrong..
i m confused! i dont know what can i satisfy them. seriously! when the things went wrong, they ll use bad words to reflect their anger to me.. doest this called condemning? if u r in my shoe, what will u feel?? feel like crying right? so, i CRIED! n this makes them think i m emotional, sensitive and childish besides weak bcoz i m not strong enough to face the future.. just know to cry.. is that fair? absolutely no! n,, back to the part the dont like me to ask somuch,, this make me quiet at home.. ya.. surely i ll moody when facing the situation!.  i m tired to living like this but this is my family.. i always try to get use of these.. but i m not that strong n great to resist all my feelings!

so,, why m i different with my friends?
surely because i do have chance to talk.. no one have the right to codemn me.. even they do,, i ll move away from them n find a new friend.. its not that hard.. i m talkative.. why?? when i m alone,, i ll remember my life at home.. i ll get sad n tears will roll down through my cheeks.besides that,, as i have no chance to talk at home, i must fullfil my nessacity as human at the time i m away from home.. i cant keep sealing my lips forever.. i need to talk some thing.. thats why i m being talkative infront of them.. as i cant laugh at home,, i burst my laughter with my friends! i must! imust! if not,, i guess i m no longer a rational human on this world.. ya,, i m a good listener and a good motivator.. why? because i have my experiences handing the problems.. we knoe, experience is the best teacher!. thats y i always know what to advise my priend when they need me.. everything is from Allah.. its Allah who grant me the ideas to make them feel better.. perhaps because Allah know i need to understand what is the meaning of hardship n then i can teach them to be strong "like me" ..thats y i ve experienced it alone at home.. through this i looked wise.. they see me as a wise person in handling problems, giving advices, and careful in planning something..  but deep in me,, no one knows except Allah..infront of them, i might be smiling,, but in the inner side of mine, i am crying what..
its so hard to go through this.. but Alhamdulillah,, Allah let this easier..  i m not living all time home.. i spent most of my time far away from home.. to feel the sweetness of life.. my hous is in klang,, i started to mo0ve out from my house to langkawi, then,, i went to nilai.. n isyaAllah i ll fly to united states,, insyaAllah.. i m bnot saying that i hate living with my family but the condition there makes me a weak person.. i m weak to stand on my own leg.. i keep crying at home.. 

thats y i said,, its better to be far away from home so that i ll appreciate my lifen my family more.. if not,, i most probably hating my self n fed up with my family..

i thinks,,, thats enough for revealing my story.. no one knows bout this.. i ve hold this tightly before.. i cant stand anymore.. i need to share with someone,, even i dont know who ll read this post, atleast this thing were out from me.. alhamdulillah.. . i know,, its better to ask help from Allah than to conmplain on this blog.. no i m not repelling my self away from Allah../ its just an alternative to burst out my feeling as i have no one to share with.. thanks for reading my life story.. together we improve ourselves..:)