I want to live a simple life, where i don't care what people want to talk about me. I want to be that someone who don't care about what people said, but care so much about what Allah's feel about it.
Sometimes, i do feel like i want to work as in a big profession where people could recognize me as a Muslim who can give the world a positive impact. But sometimes, i don't think it's a good idea. I am so ambitious but i do aware that life is so tricky. I can start my strategies with a fairly pure intention, but who knows what happen when i am at the top later on?
That is one of the thing i fear the most. Doing good things with bad intention. People will look at me as if i am an angel but God knows the real story. Naudzhubillah.
Yes, i am worrying too much simply because i know i need to decide. At the same time i need to remember that Allah will always have a better plan for me.
For the mean time, i really hope to be someone behind the scene, i mean, the one who support the community but can only dream of recognition. I think, i need to try to do work for the sake of doing it. I mean, sincerely for Allah. Try not to be wanting to be recognized.
I am dreaming a life where no one will look up at me, but i am still doing good things. I don't have to care so much about the need of recognition. Only people who knows me, know my struggle, i don't want to that person who always want to mention what he do for the world. I want to be the one who contribute silently.
I always wanted the sincerity. That i guess, i need the most. I started to hate recognition because it makes me mention all what i have done, i don't want that, i want to be the one who knows what i am doing, although people might question it. I want to make Allah's standard, as my standard. Not anyone else's
I might end up working as a small business owner, even just the employee of the small business, but the one to call the community toward Allah without prejudice. The one to be the example through character. I want to give inspiration to people but in the way that together with my actions are with pure intention.
Just with simple smile everyday, without discussing about how corrupt everyone else are, i want to give hope and light to people who don't really understand how beauty islam can be. How happy it is to be a Muslim, the submitting one.
I hate to be those who endlessly talk about how huge problem are, i want to be the one to that the step to solve the problem. Even if it will cause negative thoughts from the community, if i could at least take that brave and sincere step toward the betterment, why don't i just do it?
Not that i hate spending time to think about how problem should be solve, but i guess. After thinking wisely, at least something need to be done.
More directly, i think, i want to get more involved with the people out there who actually knows about islam but unfortunately do not take islam as the way of life. For example, corrupted business people, young celebrity-obsessed people, the poor mistreated people living in city, dealing with drugs or alcohol not to forget, gays and lesbians.
To me, they need to be given hope. They need to understand that this world is temporary and what is it meant to be a Muslim. I want to inspire them indirectly, without they feel looked down.
I want to initiate their curiosity toward their own religion. In the most wise and soft way. Remind them without judgment. Advice them without hatred. Talk to them without pride. Everything out of love and sincerity.
Wallahu'alam.
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